


Almost Like A Home

by OnlyOneWoman



Category: Black Sails
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternative Future, Angst, Denial of Feelings, Developing Relationship, Established Relationship, Friendship/Love, Love, M/M, Matelotage, Multi, Multiple Partners, Nassau is home, Romance
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-07-01
Updated: 2016-07-28
Packaged: 2018-07-19 11:42:48
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 21
Words: 29,469
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7359868
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/OnlyOneWoman/pseuds/OnlyOneWoman
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Alright, here comes the fluff… Shamelessly I’ve turned Nassau to a quite nice little place and totally ignored a lot of painful happenings in the series. </p><p>Thomas Hamilton never died in the asylum, but was bribed out through some of Miranda Hamiltons loyal contacts in London and shipped off in secret to Nassau. There they met up wih James Flint and had a happy reunion. The Urca gold was used to secure Nassau from the English attack and, of course Charles Vanes was saved. Eleanor Guthrie had during the whole time, in secret worked behind the Englishmens back and as she joined forces with Rackham, Vane, Silver, Flint, Bonny and Blackbeard, the island soon became free from Englishmen. </p><p>This is about to be two years after Nassaus release and John Silver (who by the way never lost his leg) has been away for a long time, when he suddenly returns to Nassau and seek out Billy Bones.</p><p>(I honestly have no idea where this is going, I just felt the need to linger in Nassau... Aaand I just realised this might be due to spiderlilies beautiful work "Ithaca")</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [spiderlilies](https://archiveofourown.org/users/spiderlilies/gifts).



(Before we get to my little story: Since I ship Ben/Billy in the series, I just have to ask if I'm the only one thinking they are wearing [the same kind of necklace](https://se.pinterest.com/pin/417568196682118419/) in this picture?)  
  
  
  
”What the _fuck_ do you want?”  
”Always so warm and cheerful, Billy…”  
  
He smiled. The man was always smiling. Being as serious as Billy, people who smiled too much made him suspicious. Especially at this hour. It was still in the middle of the night and it fucking rained. He opened the door wider and rolled his eyes as John didn’t move.  
  
”What are you waiting for? A formal invitation?”  
  
The irritating man quickly went inside and Billy closed the door and shut out the bad weather. The small house was quite clean and had few furniture. There was a steady table, some chairs and a cupboard in the kitchen, and in the small room a bed where Ben was still asleep. Billy looked at John with tired eyes.  
  
”You’re sulking wet.”  
”Storms usually do that to you.”  
”Then what the fuck are you doing outside?”  
”The inn was full…”  
”Christ… just stand still. And get those rags off.”  
  
He threw a tovel at John and then a shirt and trousers. From the other room he could hear Bens voice:  
  
”Who is it?”  
”It’s just John.”  
”Oh… are you coming back to sleep, love?”  
  
John looked at Billy, who blushed.  
  
”Love?”  
”You have a problem with this?”  
”Why should I?”  
”Good. Get dry and come to bed.”  
”With you?”  
”This isn’t exactly an inn, so you can choose between the only bed in the house and the floor. Which is, by the way, made of stone.”  
”But… What will Ben say?”  
”We’re sleeping, not fucking and you’ve shared a bed with me before. It’s the middle of fucking night and I’d like some sleep now.”  
  
Billy returned to the bed and John slowly followed. Billy had already made room for him, having Ben nestled close to his chest.  
  
”Welcome back, John… And good night.”  
”Sorry for intruding, Ben.”  
”That’s alright. My husband’s only a little grumpy. We have room for you too.”  
”Darling, don’t encourage him… Now, let me sleep.”  
”Night, sweetheart, night John.”  
”Goodnight.”  
  
Listening to the soft sounds from Billy and Ben breathing, feeling the warmth of Billy’s body close to him while the rain was falling outside was the sweetest lullaby one could wish for, John thought as he snuggled down. Without really thinking about it, he put an arm around Billy, only to remove it when Billy moved. Just as he tried to have his arm rest along the side, Billy’s hand searched for it and pulled it back to his chest in a warm, soft grip. John gave a pleased sigh as Billy’s thumb stroke his hand. The former first mate was never grumpy for long.  
  
***  
  
”He sure was tired…”  
”He was drunk.”  
”No. I’ve seen that man drunk. He has absolutely no balance when he’s canned and he made it to bed without even stumble.”  
”I’ve sailed with that shit for years, Ben. He was drunk.”  
”I love you when you refuse to admit I’m right. More tea?”  
  
Having breakfast in his own home with a loving spouse serving tea, when both of them most likely should’ve ended up dead years ago still made Billy surprised sometimes. Nassau was peaceful now and flourished and all of his surviving brothers lived well, some of them even settled and got married. Poor pastor Lamberth had moved back to England shortly after it was clear the English navy had no chance in Nassau this time either, but Billy suspected that the main reason for that, was the fact that Mrs. Barlow not only had her husband returned from English captivity with a little help from the Urca gold as a bribe, but also lived openly with him and Captain Flint in a sort of three person marriage.  
  
The poor pastor quickly learned that preachings about sodomy wasn’t popular at all in Nassau, and when Miranda even invited him to Billys and Bens matelotage celebration and asked if he would consider to be the second presiding official with Captain Flint, the man finally gave up and went back to England. At one occasion, just before he left, he’d actually tried to talk to Billy about his and Ben’s sinful behavior. ”It is a perversion of nature and it’s not your fault, but you have to resist, Billy! God created man and woman to complete each other and a relationship between two men is not only an abomination, but also a sign of a broken soul. You can never be one and whole living like this. What would your parents say if they knew?”  
  
The obviously concerned words had hurt him deeply. After nearly thirty years alone he’d finally found love and no one made him feel as whole as Ben. Disgust or scorn had been far easier to handle than the pastor’s attempt to ”save” him. The only thing he’d come up with for an answer was a simple but nontheless completety true: ”My parents were taken from me years ago. I love Ben and he’s the only one who’s ever made me feel whole. Don’t assume you or your god have all the answers, pastor.” He’d turned his back on the man before he could answer. The pastor had left the island next day.  
  
It wasn’t until three days later, when Billy worked on the broken door in their new home, as his husband softly removed the tools, took his hands and asked what was wrong, as he could talk about it. Or, to be fair, he mostly cried and it scared Ben who’d never seen his husband break down like this. When he finally managed to tell what the pastor had said, confessed how hurt he’d been and how stupid he felt for even care about what a cunt like pastor Lamberth thought about their love – especially the part where he’d talked about how ashamed and sad Billy’s parents would be if they’d known – Ben  decided to pay Miranda, Flint and Thomas a visit in secret.  
  
A week later, when Billy was still a bit dull but didn’t seem to be thinking too much about the hurting words, a little dinner invitation for him and Ben from the threesome couple came. After a very pleasant evening along with good friends and collegues with highly unorthodox relationships where Max joked about Ben and Billy being the only monogamous couple at the table, the pastor’s hurtful words disappeared from Billy’s thoughts. The shadow was gone and the same night Billy’d made love to Ben like a newly wedded husband should: shameless, lovingly and with greatest pleasure. The pastor and his words went to ashes and dust.  
  
This morning Ben as usual poured tea in Billy’s cup and gave him a soft kiss.  
  
”You have any idea why John’s back?”  
”You mean besides hiding from the storm?”  
”Our home isn’t exactly close to the port and he could’ve went to Flint and the Barlows.”  
”How long has it been now?”  
”Almost a year.”  
”Missed him?”  
”Yeah, I really _loved_ to keep an eye on a looney captain and his little snoopy helper. That’s why I married the most sensible man I’ve ever met.”  
  
Ben pouted his lips.  
  
”You make me sound so boring.”  
”Believe me, after a good more than ten years with Flint and five of them with him _and_ Silver, the word boring sounds _very_ nice.”  
”God, you’re so sweet when you’re grumpy…”  
”I’m not.”  
”Sweet or grumpy? Nevermind, you don’t get to decide. Pass the bread, will you?”  
  
TBC


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alright, here comes the fluff… Shamelessly I’ve turned Nassau to a quite nice little place and totally ignored a lot of painful happenings in the series.
> 
> Thomas Hamilton never died in the asylum, but was bribed out through some of Miranda Hamiltons loyal contacts in London and shipped off in secret to Nassau. There they met up wih James Flint and had a happy reunion. The Urca gold was used to secure Nassau from the English attack and, of course Charles Vanes was saved. Eleanor Guthrie had during the whole time, in secret worked behind the Englishmens back and as she joined forces with Rackham, Vane, Silver, Flint, Bonny and Blackbeard, the island soon became free from Englishmen.
> 
> This is about to be two years after Nassaus release and John Silver (who by the way never lost his leg) has been away for a long time, when he suddenly returns to Nassau and seek out Billy Bones.
> 
> (I honestly have no idea where this is going, I just felt the need to linger in Nassau...)

When he woke up, he didn’t know where he was. The bed was quite large, not to mention warm and comfortable, but the room had no other furniture. The sun shined very bright through the window, telling him it must be too late for breakfast. Honestly, where the fuck was he and how much did he drink last night?  
  
John rose and left the bed, discovering he wasn’t wearing his own clothes. Oh yeah… Billy. Things had clearly changed while he’d been away. Last night he’d been to tired and soaked to give air to the surprise. When last he saw them, Ben had been a shy, almost invisible shadow to Billy and Billy himself was furious with both John and Flint. Not that you could blame him, John thought as he left the little bed chamber and walked out to the kitchen. On the big table, a note with Billy’s tidy handwriting was put next to a cup and a plate with three eggs.  
  
_We’re down the harbour. There’s tea in the brown can and bread in the jar. Don’t scare the cat. She’s got sharp claws._  
  
Typical Billy. Short orders even with the pen. John could almost hear his dry, slightly irritated voice lecturing for him again about the wrong fucking way to do this and that. Himself teasing the serious man since that was the only way he could bring him off balance a little bit. The day he’d left Nassau with his future wife to be, he couldn’t find Billy, but had to leave without a proper goodbye. Just a letter, he hoped Flint had delivered. Wait… The cat? John looked closer thorugh the room and almost jumped as a pair of yellow eyes looked at him from what he’d assume to be some kind of black pelt under the table.  
  
”Fuck…”  
  
He never thought Billy to have a fucking cat, but there it was, looking at him with a snooty gaze, as if John’s precense was a personal offense. John made a little bow at the unimpressed animal.  
  
”Well… good morning, my good lady. What a lovely little home you’ve got. And two husbands as well.”  
  
The cat looked just as grumpy, yawned and turned her back against the intrudor. Appearantly she didn’t consider him a threat, but she had clearly no intention to make friends. John smirked.  
  
”Just as easygoing as your master, huh? And I do mean the tall one, ’cause I seriously doubt Ben could be as sour as my old mate. On the other hand, who could stand being around a man who never smiles, but an equally grumpy type?”  
  
The cat just put her leg i the air and began to groom herself, paying no attention what so ever to the unexpected guest.  
  
”That’s right. Just ignore me… You’re _definately_ Billy’s cat. Too bad. I’d hoped you’ld be more like Ben. Not that I can say I know him, but I don’t remember him being quite as dull as Billy. Poor man, living with that old bullhead. You know, my good madam – and I hope you don’t get offended for me assuming you to be of the fairer sex – I’ve lived with your master and I can honestly say I never saw him laugh even once.”  
”And the reason for that, Queen Of Thieves, is that Mr. Silver here gave this dull bullhead here very few reasons to laugh, or even smile for that matter.”  
  
John turned around and saw Billy leaning against the wall, arms crossed, looking just as irritated as ever. The Queen Of Thieves purred and quickly went to greet her master. John tried to smile.  
  
”Well… As you can see I’ve not changed. Still no manners.”  
  
Billy didn’t say anything. He just lifted the cat, who began to purr loudly. John bit his lip.  
  
”Look, I didn’t mean for you to hear that… Thought I was alone.”  
”Thought that was what you wished for, Silver.”  
  
John winced.  
  
”Seriously, Billy? _Silver_?”  
”How long time has it been?”  
”Six months, something…”  
”More like eleven months and eighteen days.”  
”You’ve kept count? Jesus… you’re a sick fuck.”  
”Says the one leaving without saying goodbye.”  
”I couldn’t find you. You didn’t get my letter?”  
”Oh, I got it alright. Let’s see if I can remember some of it… Right: _Billy, don’t be mad at me, I couldn’t find you. I’m leaving with Madi for Tortuga and then… who knows? Give Ben a good run – I assume  you’ve hooked up already – and don’t let Flint mess with you. Despite the craziness, you and I still had some good time together. I’ll miss you, my sweet bullhead. Love, John._ ”  
  
It went silent as John tried to figure out what to say. The cat purred even louder, clawing on Billy’s chest. John swallowed. The man had actually fucking quoted his entire letter.  
  
”I… I don’t now what to say, but I guess it’s a bit too late for an apology…”  
”You fucking _left_ me.”  
”I didn’t know you cared that much…”  
”Bullshit! You’re a good liar, but not that good.”  
  
The Queen Of Thieves meowed in protest and writhered away from her masters arms, down to the floor. Billy looked as if he tried to hold the tears back. Suddenly John felt like an asshole.  
  
”I’m really, really sorry, Billy. Whatever you think, I honestly didn’t know you’d take it that hard. Fuck… when I left we hadn’t fucked for months.”  
”You seriously think this is about how many times we _fucked_? Hell, if we’d never even touched each other I would’ve been just as devestated!”  
  
Billy looked exasparated and John felt as if he would crumble under his gaze. The blue eyes, too innocent for a man like Billy Bones and in the same time not. There were no pirates in Nassau anymore, but old sins didn’t come off so easy.  Billy’s eyes had always made him feel so small. He shrugged.  
  
”You seem happy with Ben, though.”  
”This isn’t about Ben, so don’t try to change fucking subject! This is about you not telling me you planned to leave, not saying goodbye and leaving me with a note. Jesus, John… I cried for days, you know that?”  
  
Once again finding himself lost for words, John hardly knew what to do with himself. He’d expected some scolding and cursing, maybe one of Billy’s iron fists in the face and most certainly being kicked out of the house as soon as Billy woke up and had more clear thoughts. A note, breakfast, a fucking cat and... _this_ he didn’t know what to do with.  
  
”I realise it’s no excuse for leaving the way I did, but if I’d known you’ld take it like that I’d never…”  
”Never what? Never left? Or never hooked up with me in the first place? And no, I’m not talking about you and me fucking. Did it ever occur to you that I saw you as something more than a fuck?”  
  
The lack of answer was answer enough. John had never seen Billy look so heartbroken and he regret coming here, regret coming back to Nassau and regret fucking with the former first mate in the first place.  
  
”Where’s your wife, by the way? Left her as well?”  
  
John shrugged.  
  
”I didn’t leave her, _we_ left each other.”  
”Bet it was too much of a trouble for you. Actually caring for anyone…”  
  
If Billy hadn’t sounded so wretched, John most likely would’ve left immediately. But here he stood, looking at his former lover and just couldn’t leave. Not again.  
  
”Never stopped caring, Billy…”  
”Well, I did. Who the fuck do you think you are, just showing up like this, knowing I would never leave you in that storm yesterday?”  
”I didn’t force myself in.”  
”Fuck you, John! Just leave, dammit! Leave!”

John rose, collected his few things and went to the door. He turned his head, forcing his voice to go steady as he saw how close Billy was to break down.  
  
”I mean it, Billy. I never stopped care for you.”  
”Just… _leave…_ ”

The door went open and John Silver disappeared. Billy sank to the floor and cried.  
  
TBC


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alright, here comes the fluff… Shamelessly I’ve turned Nassau to a quite nice little place and totally ignored a lot of painful happenings in the series.
> 
> Thomas Hamilton never died in the asylum, but was bribed out through some of Miranda Hamiltons loyal contacts in London and shipped off in secret to Nassau. There they met up wih James Flint and had a happy reunion. The Urca gold was used to secure Nassau from the English attack and, of course Charles Vanes was saved. Eleanor Guthrie had during the whole time, in secret worked behind the Englishmens back and as she joined forces with Rackham, Vane, Silver, Flint, Bonny and Blackbeard, the island soon became free from Englishmen.
> 
> This is about to be two years after Nassaus release and John Silver (who by the way never lost his leg) has been away for a long time, when he suddenly returns to Nassau and seek out Billy Bones.
> 
> (I honestly have no idea where this is going, I just felt the need to linger in Nassau...)

(Before we get to my little story: Since I ship Ben/Billy in the series, I just have to ask if I'm the only one thinking they are wearing [the same kind of necklace](https://se.pinterest.com/pin/417568196682118419/) in this picture?)

 

Mrs. Barlows old house was no longer occupied by it’s former owner. John had barely knocked on the door, when a small girl, about seven years old, came through the garden and looked at him with suspicious eyes. John smiled and bowed.  
  
”Good morning, little lady. May I ask who lives here?”  
  
The girl giggled.  
  
”I live here, sir.”  
”I see. And what may a fine, gracious lady like you be called?”  
”Juliet, sir. Juliet Howard. What’s your name?”  
”Oh, how rude of me. My name is John Silver. Do you live here all by yourself?”  
  
She giggled again and shook her head, making her black braids dance around her head.  
  
”My mother and father live here, of course.”  
”Juliet? Juliet, who are you talking to?”  
  
A woman came from the backside of the house, dressed in a simple dress and with a wide hat on her head. John smiled friendly.  
  
”I’m sorry for interloping on you like this, madam. My name is John Silver and I’m looking for an old friend of mine that used to live here.”  
”Oh, you mean Mrs. Barlow?”  
”Yes, quite right. You see, I’ve been away for quite a while and it seems like things have changed a bit in my absence.”  
”Don’t worry, Mr. Silver. Mr. and Mrs. Barlow and their friend are all well as far as I know. They moved in to the house on the western hill some months ago and Mrs. Barlow was kind enough to sell me this place cheap. Bless her. Do you know the way to the hill?”  
”I do. Thank you very much for your assistence, Mrs…?”  
”Howard.”  
”Mrs. Howard, that’s it.” John bowed and then turned to the little girl and made another bow. ”And thank you, Ms. Juliet. Good morning, ladies.”  
”Good morning to you too, sir.”  
”Good morning Mr. John Silver.”  
  
John smiled once again and left.  
  
***  
  
The Barlow, or should one say the Barlow-Flint residence were quite more grand than the little house and John almost expected to see some form of overly strict man servant to open the door as he knocked. Instead he heard the sound of light steps, the door opened and before he’d said a word a woman with brown hair threw herself around him.  
  
”It can not be… It can not… _John Silver_!?”  
  
She smelled discreet from perfume and bread, laughed and cried as she clung on to him.”  
  
”Who is it, darling?”  
”Oh, Thomas! James! Come quick, we have a very unexpected guest!”  
  
Thomas, as bright and happy as ever, hugged him almost as hard as Miranda even though they’d only met a couple of times.  
  
”What an absolutely wonderful surprise, John! You’re most welcome and I strictly forbid you to stay away this long again!”  
  
If Miranda and Thomas hadn’t changed, you couldn’t say the same about the man last to greet him. John just starred.  
  
”God almighty… What happened to Captain Flint?”  
  
The man in front of him looked nothing like the worn out ghost who’d put his entire crew through his own misery without even knowing it. This man had lively, green eyes and wrinkles from laughter rather than from worry and grief. The ginger shook his head.  
  
”You _bastard_!”  
  
The next second John found himself cought in a hard hug and being lifted from the ground. He laughed.  
  
”I belive at least some of the good resident in Nassau aren’t all too disappointed to see me.”  
”Oh, we are very disappointed, Mr. Silver. For your long absence!”  
  
James squeezed him a little harder and John writhered, still laughing.  
  
”Put me down, old man, before I start screaming like a whore!”  
  
He landed on his feet and met James’ light, happy eyes. The sight made his heart ache, as he for a very swift moment realised this was what he’d hoped to see in another man’s eyes… He swallowed as James still looked as if he couldn’t believe his eyes. Thomas gathered himself first and opened the door.  
  
”Don’t stand here gaping, come in!”

***  
  
A little while later, John had freshed up a bit and was invited to the rather late breakfast table. Apparently they didn’t rise quite as early as Billy and Ben. Miranda poured him some tea, but when she offered him sausages and bread, he politely declined.  
  
”Thank you so much, but I actually had breakfast earlier at Billy’s and Ben’s.”  
  
It felt strange to say their names together like this. James looked at him with wondering eyes.  
  
”When did you arrive?”  
”Late last night. The inn was full, so rather than sleeping in the rain, I went to my old grumpy collegue. Appearantly he found himself a little husband.”  
  
He sounded more ironic than intended, and he quickly took a sip of the tea. Miranda smiled friendly, but her eyes were full of understanding.  
  
”I guess your reunion wasn’t quite the one you’d hoped for.”  
  
John shrugged.  
  
”Exactly how angry was he when I left?”  
  
Flint let out a combined sigh and snort.  
  
” _Anger_ is hardly the right word to describe the transformation from the most calm and responsible crew man to a canned, raging savage trying to burn down my ship…”  
  
John looked at his former captain with horrific eyes.  
  
”He did _what_?”  
”Don’t worry, he was overpowered before anything happened. Well, he punched poor Ben, but I actually belive he was more regretful about that, than his little arseny attempt. Of course we all forgave him immediately, since it’s never very pleasant to be left by your lover, with nothing but a letter as a goodbye.”  
  
Thomas coughed.  
  
”So, as you can imagine, Billy might not be exactly happy to see you right now.”  
”Fuck…”  
  
The words, too fresh to really sink in at the moment, had nontheless struck John hard. He just shook his head, turning the tea cup around on it’s little dish.  
  
”I didn’t expect him to throw himself at me, or even be happy at my return, but this… What a fucking mess I’ve made for him… and myself. Maybe I’d better leave again.”  
”Oh no, you don’t!”  
  
Mirandas firm voice sounded as if John didn’t have a choice in this matter. She took his hand.  
  
”Now that you’re finally back, I certainly have no intention to let you slip away in quite a while, whatever happens between you and Billy. You’ll stay with us as our guest for as long as you wish, right Thomas? James?”  
  
The men nodded and Thomas smiled.  
  
”Of course you must stay with us. We have a spare room.”  
  
John tried to protest, only to be brusquely interrupted by James.  
  
”There’s nothing to discuss on this matter. You’ll be our guest until things have settled.”  
”Settled?”  
”You’ve just showed up uninvited at a couple not yet being married for three months made one of the grooms furious and most likely fucking devestated. You’re not leaving this island until you’ve made it up to him.”  
”Make it up to him? Are you fucking kidding me? He doesn’t want to see me.”  
”And no one here blames him for that, believe me.”  
  
John just sighed. Miranda rose and put the cups on the tray.  
  
”Do you want to make him _more_ unhappy, John?”  
”Of course I don’t!”  
”Good. Then you’ll stay with us and take small steps to reconciliation until he’s ready to forgive you.”  
”And if he never does that?”  
  
Thomas put a hand on his and smiled.  
  
”Take it from me, John. ’Never’ is a _very_ long time.”  
  
TBC


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alright, here comes the fluff… Shamelessly I’ve turned Nassau to a quite nice little place and totally ignored a lot of painful happenings in the series.
> 
> Thomas Hamilton never died in the asylum, but was bribed out through some of Miranda Hamiltons loyal contacts in London and shipped off in secret to Nassau. There they met up wih James Flint and had a happy reunion. The Urca gold was used to secure Nassau from the English attack and, of course Charles Vanes was saved. Eleanor Guthrie had during the whole time, in secret worked behind the Englishmens back and as she joined forces with Rackham, Vane, Silver, Flint, Bonny and Blackbeard, the island soon became free from Englishmen.
> 
> This is about to be two years after Nassaus release and John Silver (who by the way never lost his leg) has been away for a long time, when he suddenly returns to Nassau and seek out Billy Bones.
> 
> (I honestly have no idea where this is going, I just felt the need to linger in Nassau...)

After years from constantly watching your back and trying to maneuver in the company of Silver, Flint and a crew not knowing what was best for them, Ben had been like balm from the very beginning. Well, at their very first meeting in the cage there was no balm to talk about, but one time or another you need to sleep even if you don’t know if you’ll end up dead before sunrise and the broken man with light blue eyes managed to stir up Billy’s urge to protect men who belonged to his crew. Of course, Ben wasn’t a part of the crew, but in the cage he most certainly was and offering a shoulder for him to rest his head on felt very natural.  
  
Billy’s worry at the time wasn’t only about the crew or even his own life. Seeing John and Flint huddle together, talking in private as if they were closer than he was with John hurt. There was no outspoken commitment between Billy and John. They fucked, but it was way more intimately and sweet than with anyone else Billy’d slept with. And they cared for each other, looked out for one another and consoled each other when the responsibilities with the crew and the grieving Captaing threatened to crush them both. Then the starvation, the captivity and the war came. Oh yes, and Madi.  
  
His and John’s relationship, whatever it was, had no rules of exclusiveness. Hell, Billy had no problem sharing John with someone else, especially not with an intelligent and beautiful woman like Madi. There was not much time for sweeter things during the war anyway, so Billy was more than content with kisses and quick blow jobs every now and then, ’til times went calmer. And when the worst chaos from the war was over and one could begin planning the future for real, John and Madi left and Billy’s and Ben’s roles of comforting were suddenly reversed.  
  
As time passed, Billy came to not only appreciate Ben, but really like him. It was a serious man, who didn’t talk much if it wasn’t necessary and he rarely smiled. At first, in the very beginning when they got to know each other, Billy didn’t want to ask him about his time in captivity. His own painful memories made it easy to connect without sharing any words, so why have Ben talking about things he most certainly preferred not to think of? Instead Billy just showed it. Small gestures like never approach too quiet, sneak up behind Ben’s back or fling too close to him. Billy remembered all too well how it felt being powerless and always preparing for an attack, without being able to get out of the situation or fight back.  
  
Giving Ben space, ask for his opinion on different matters, using body language and words as unthreatening as possible helped. It also helped Billy not to think too much about John. Restoring Nassau after the war was a major task that requiered every man with any skill of leadership to make an effort. Billy, being lettered, very responsible and with long experience from managing crews – not to mention captains – was essential to build a new future for Nassau and while working Ben often served as his right hand when it came to handling the relation between crews and their captains. During the hours of work, they slowly got to know each other, when they had some time for recreation they mostly ended up exploring Nassau. Well, Billy didn’t need to explore it of course, but Ben did.  
  
Their little excursions started out as a way to just get away from crowds – Ben got nervous being in crowded or small places for too long – and Billy discovered that even if the island wasn’t new to him at all, it was actually quite fun to be Ben’s guide. Their connection seemed to come with such ease. Just once, when they were standing by the beach, Ben somehow ”disappeared”, just standing still and looking at the sea, not moving or responding to words. And Billy stopped talking and waited. Later, when they were back at the house they used for both work and sleep, and it was too late doing anything else but take to their quarters, Ben still didn’t respond and Billy being Billy, just simply asked if he could sleep or if he wished to share quarters with him. Only for sleeping, he explained as he saw Ben’s horrified look and the man had actually laughed – the first laugh Billy’d ever heard from him – and accepted the offer.  
  
Billy thought a little closeness would do Ben good. And him too. One of the things he missed most since John had left, was sleeping next to someone else. Not just anyone else, of course, but someone he felt comfortable and safe with. And Ben, when the surprise was gone, turned out to be in great need of something similar. The nights scared him, he quietly confessed with his back against Billy’s chest and a big, muscular arm around him. They made him think about things he wished to forget and it was tiresome and highly unpleasant to wake up from nightmares. Billy understood that more than well, and since then they’d shared quarters almost every night.  
  
Just sleeping next to Billy had a very pleasant effect on Ben. He became more relaxed, more talkative and the nightmares didn’t came as often as before. In Billy’s case, the nights sometimes made him think about John, since they reminded him how it had felt to hold his former lover close after sex. This nightly closeness slowly came to life during daytime as well after a couple of weeks. Touches that wasn’t necessary, a hand on the shoulder a bit longer than usual. Confused looks that made both of them blush despite the fact nothing actually happened between them. Then one night Ben woke up and couldn’t go back to sleep, restless and anxious wandering around the room and accidently woke up Billy, who simply left the bed and pulled him close in a silent embrace. Ben, who was shorter than Billy, couldn’t help but nuzzle his face to the other mans chest and by then the taller man silently admitted to himself that the silent little voice irritating him with thoughts of Ben had been right.  
  
***  
  
Billy turned in the bed he shared with his husband. The night was calm and Ben slept peacefully. He was beautiful when he slept. Well, of course he was _always_ beautiful to his husband, but Billy loved to watch Ben sleeping, all relaxed and resting close to him with a peaceful face. The difference between this man and the one who’d slept nervous and wretching against his shoulder in the cage, or waking up sweating from nightmares the first time in Nassau, was huge. The former first mate rose on his elbow and kept looking at the sleeping man. Since he couldn’t go back to sleep himself and it was too fucking early to rise, he took his time to just look at his husband, losing himself in memories…  
  
Since the first night they’d slept next to each other in the house used as some kind of base for the war, they just continued to be close during nighttime. But it was all very innocent. No sex, no kisses, not even an embrace for another reason than keep Ben calm from nightmares or, during cold night, keep warm. Ben knew what he wanted, but Billy was obviously heartbroken from John’s departure and Ben wasn’t one to use sex as consolation. Neither was Billy, but the nights close to Ben gave him much comfort. When they finally began to get a little more personal while talking, it came as a huge relief for both of them. For Ben, realising Billy had experience of being imprisoned and used for slave labour, and for Billy, slowly understanding how easy it could be with a man who didn’t kept his demons hidden, tried to manipulate people or couldn’t show affection.  
  
Ben made it so easy to love, Billy thought as he let his fingers slowly get tangled in the blonde hair. They’d slept next to each other many nights before anything happened. A slow longing that simply made them search for each others company, for reasons to touch and let a gaze linger. And during daytime, they talked a lot. With less reasons to occupy the mind with strategies and battles plans, and with the rebuilding beginning to run more smooth, they got to know each other. Ben, being afraid he wasn’t fun to talk to, was pure balm for Billy, who’d never been one to joke very much.  
  
The former first mate was serious, used to always care first for solving problems and tend to other peoples needs, when most men seemed abled to take things much lighter and very often not really understanding why Billy just couldn’t relax. Ben, who couldn’t remember the last time _he_ had relaxed since the day he and his now dead crew got captured by the maroons, not to mention feeling good and safe, soon found himself being utterly lost to the serious man with the calm voice and tender hands.  
  
After some weeks of just sleeping next to each other, talking, smiling and sometimes even laughing – Ben turned out to be really funny when he made comments about people visiting the base – at some point Billy simply had to give in. The turning point happened to be Billy slipping on a soaped floor and loosing balance. When he lay on the floor, using every curse word he could remember, Ben showed up with a bucket of water. Since Billy’d been out on an arrend down the inn, Ben thought it’d be a good idea to do something about the very dirty floor, not expecting Billy to return any time soon.  
  
The surprising sight of the man on the floor pushed Ben over, and he quickly took Billy’s head in his lap, caressed it, asked with a worried voice if he was alright and suddenly Billy felt a light kiss on his forehead. The situation was all too stupid and Billy couldn’t help but laughing. That was the first time Ben had heard _him_ laugh and Billy teased him.  
  
”Do you always kiss peoples foreheads when you make’em slip?”  
  
Blushing or not, Ben wasn’t lost for an answer.  
  
”Only if they’re really cute.”  
  
And just as that, Billy had put his hand around Ben’s nape and pulled him down for a real kiss.  
  
TBC


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alright, here comes the fluff… Shamelessly I’ve turned Nassau to a quite nice little place and totally ignored a lot of painful happenings in the series.
> 
> Thomas Hamilton never died in the asylum, but was bribed out through some of Miranda Hamiltons loyal contacts in London and shipped off in secret to Nassau. There they met up wih James Flint and had a happy reunion. The Urca gold was used to secure Nassau from the English attack and, of course Charles Vanes was saved. Eleanor Guthrie had during the whole time, in secret worked behind the Englishmens back and as she joined forces with Rackham, Vane, Silver, Flint, Bonny and Blackbeard, the island soon became free from Englishmen.
> 
> This is about to be two years after Nassaus release and John Silver (who by the way never lost his leg) has been away for a long time, when he suddenly returns to Nassau and seek out Billy Bones.
> 
> (I honestly have no idea where this is going, I just felt the need to linger in Nassau...)

”Out of my way, dear!”  
  
John quickly moved. He’d been looking at the peculiar iron thing in the kitchen, that apparently was called ”stove” and used for cooking. Miranda opened a small door in the box-like iron thing and put in a sheet of some kind of metal, full with bread. John shook his head and smiled.  
  
”Fascinating thing…”  
”It’s a time saver, not to mention patience saver. Now, I think we’ve earned a cup of tea.”  
  
Miranda brushed some flower from her apron. Having John back in Nassau was a very pleasant surprise for her and her little family, and she’d insisted on him making her company this day. It wasn’t all about her longing for some company and by the looks of Thomas and James, she knew they understood that. John’s brief explanation about what had happened at Billy’s and Ben’s house wasn’t satisfying at all, since it actually didn’t explain anything but things that were already obvious: suddenly being left by your lover and then, just as suddenly, having him uninvited knocking on your door almost a year later looking for shelter from the rain, usually didn’t make you thrilled.  
  
She poured tea for them both and sat down in front of their unexpected, but most welcomed guest.  
  
”So, are you going to tell me about it?”  
”Already have.”  
  
She just gave him a look and John hold up his hands in resignation.  
  
”Alright, I’ll tell. Just don’t know were to begin, actually…”  
”Why don’t you start from the beginning, dear.”  
”You mean like why I left the marooners island?”  
”Actually I was thinking about you and Billy. I admit I’ve always been a little bit curious, since James never knew exactly how or why you two got close.”  
  
John gave a short laugh.  
  
”How funny that he out of all people doesn’t know… If it wasn’t for him, or should I say the part of him being Captain Flint, I wouldn’t be here and Billy and I most certainly wouldn’t have this... problem.”  
”So you say leaving Billy was James fault?”  
”Not at all. That guilt is mine and no one elses. But you asked for the beginning, and it begins with a certain Captain Flint, raging and going mad from grief, believing he’d lost not only Thomas, but you as well. Of course, neither me or Billy knew about your husband back then, but trying to manage a heartbroken captain, ready to kill his crew and go to war against England, careless about the costs wasn’t exactly an easy task.”  


He smiled joyless and Miranda lay a hand on his.  
  
”Go on, dear.”  
”Well… I already knew Billy didn’t care for women and I’d seen how he looked at James. At first I thought he was in love with him, but then I realised he was trying to keep an eye on him, and was desperate for any sign of improvement.”  
”So you tried to help him?”  
”I didn’t think of it as help for Billy, or for James, at the time. I just wanted to survive, and Billy was too tired to manage. So yes, I tried to help and before I realised it, I was almost as wrecked as Billy.”  
  
The joyless smile turned to an equally joyless laugh.  
  
”So, one night when I’d had one of my endless fights with James, Billy found me crying like a child at quarter deck and, well… one form of comfort turned to another. I don’t think any of us thought it to happen again.”  
”Sometimes you don’t understand what you need, even when you have it.”  
  
Mirandas cryptical comment made John shrug.  
  
”I never felt for him, Miranda. Not like that. And I was sure he didn’t feel for me either. Believe me, I was surprised, no chocked, when he told me.”  
”Why?”  
”Why? We had sex a couple of times, we worked together and yes, we shared a big fucking responsibility and I honestly don’t think I’d survived without him, but it was never… you know…”  
”Love?”  
  
She said it so natural. The word that never seemed to fit in his own mouth. It had been easy to say to Madi, he’d thought he meant it, but the truth was he didn’t miss her at all. Not in _that_ way. He tried to look the calm, friendly woman in the eyes, but he had to lower his gaze to the tea cup.  
  
”I didn’t _love_ him, Miranda. I liked him, I liked fucking with him and I trusted him, but it wasn’t about love. And even if it had been, it hadn’t made any difference.”  
”How do you know that?”  
”Billy being Billy, me being me.”  
”You mean you’re too different?”  
”Something like that, yeah.”  
”Well, you certainly must have had something more in common than a raging captain for you to develope that kind of relationship. For Christ sake, John, I lived in a threesome relationship when you were still a boy. I’m not squeamish, nor am I unused to confused feelings. If you only used to fuck occasionally, I seriously doubt Billy would’ve been heartbroken. But even more I doubt _you_ would’ve come back here if that was the case.”  
”Are you saying I care more for Billy than I’ve told you?”  
”I’m saying perhaps you feel more for him than you know.”  
”Not like that.”  
”Like what? There’s not just _one_ way to care for someone you love, John.”  
”I said I didn’t love him.”  
”Then why did you come here?”  
”I… ”  
  
Serious eyes. Soft mouth. Always caring, always thinking about the well being of others first. Taking to his duties, patiently correcting new recruits, never allowing anyone to treat a brother poorly. Blue eyes literally looking down on him with less anger, less irritation, less discontent… Small signs of content, of appreciation and further on gratitude. For not having to handle the captain alone. For someone who actually began to care about the crew and not leaving him alone with the awful burden. _Thank you, John. ’Tis nothing, Billy. But I have to admit I’m fucking tired. Then you know how I’ve had it, John. Yeah, sorry for teasing you about your mood, bosun… Bosun? Should I call you Silver again? Well, how about Silver here offer you a drink, bosun? He happens to have an unopened bottle…_  
  
”John… John, are you listening?”  
”What?”  
  
The picture of Billy disappeared and Miranda looked at him with asking eyes. John blushed.  
  
”Sorry… Seemed to get a bit caught up in memories.”  
”Pleasant ones?”  
”Don’t know, actually. Guess it depends on how you see it.”  
”Sometimes you really reminds me about James.”  
”How so?”  
”It seems as you share a common difficulty.”  
”I’m sure we share a lot of difficulties…”  
”Now you’re trying to avoid the subject.”  
  
She began to irritate him and he frowned.  
  
”I didn’t ask you to investigate me. What fucking subject are you talking about?”  
”I’ve seen that kind of torment and attempt to oppress an urge. I’m talking about your love for Billy, of course.”  
”For fucks sake, I said…”  
”I heard what you said, John, as I heard Billy saying he didn’t care, and James telling it was only friendship he felt for Thomas. I’ve tried to force myself to stop loving, seen Thomas trying to ban James from his thoughts and James praying to some gods to stop feeling the way he felt. We lost years of love because of that, and could’ve ended up loosing everything.”  
”What are you trying to tell me, Miranda?”  
”Love is not a static emotion, nor has it specific expressions, John. Don’t push it away just because you don’t recognize the feelings.”  


TBC


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alright, here comes the fluff… Shamelessly I’ve turned Nassau to a quite nice little place and totally ignored a lot of painful happenings in the series.
> 
> Thomas Hamilton never died in the asylum, but was bribed out through some of Miranda Hamiltons loyal contacts in London and shipped off in secret to Nassau. There they met up wih James Flint and had a happy reunion. The Urca gold was used to secure Nassau from the English attack and, of course Charles Vanes was saved. Eleanor Guthrie had during the whole time, in secret worked behind the Englishmens back and as she joined forces with Rackham, Vane, Silver, Flint, Bonny and Blackbeard, the island soon became free from Englishmen.
> 
> This is about to be two years after Nassaus release and John Silver (who by the way never lost his leg) has been away for a long time, when he suddenly returns to Nassau and seek out Billy Bones.
> 
> (I honestly have no idea where this is going, I just felt the need to linger in Nassau...)

Queen Of Thieves had been out hunting again, proudly showing her master the latest prey: a little bird. It was well past supper time and she was clearly not happy with the absence of food. They spoiled her, Ben thought as he gave her a piece of the fish he’d caught. As he cleansed the fish, he heard Billy’s steps outside. A quick look through the window showed him skinning a rabbit. So he’d been hunting. Good. The skilled hands quickly worked with the knife and Ben continued to throw looks while putting the fish and some breadfruit on sticks to roast over the fire for supper.  
  
It reminded Ben about the time before they rescued Vane, when he slowly began to feel better and somehow couldn’t help but search the first mates company as often as possible. Billy skinning a goat, him trying to talk, secretly wishing for the first mate to look at him, just fucking _look_ at him… The memory was a sweet one, but he had to watch the supper now. Since the release from captivity, small and ordinary things had become very important to Ben. Food, space, a fireplace of your own. Things he’d taken for granted before the captivity.  
  
And things he never thought it possible for any man like him to have, and therefore never cared to dream about. A loving husband preparing meat, making sure to hang it in a place secure from animals. A loving husband wiping his knife and taking the leather apron off, taking to the water barrel at the well, washing away blood and dirt before entering the house. Their house. Their home.  
  
”Smells good, love.”  
  
The little endearments that came so easily when they were alone. Billy embracing him from behind, kissing his neck. Him filling their plates, Billy pouring ale from the barrel and lighting some candles. Queen Of Thieves who suddenly wasn’t very interrested in her little bird and jumped to Ben’s side, shamelessly looking at the fish. Billy smiled.  
  
”Remind me why we’re letting her do this.”  
”Because we’re uncivilized scum who doesn’t know better, and even if we did we wouldn’t care. Or it’s just beacuse she’s so good at killing them rats, we have to spoil her so she doesn’t leave us.”  
”Oh, is that how you keep your sweethearts close… by spoiling them.”  
”You’re fishing for compliments.”  
”Aint that the reason to have a spouse? To secure a lifetime of compliments you really don’t deserve?”  
”Are you telling me you don’t deserve my compliments?”  
”Well, I guess that depends… I can’t judge’em all just like that. You have to remind me of some of’em.”  
  
He cuddled with Queen Of Thieves, feeding her with small pieces of the fish while looking at Billy, who had a playful expression in his face. Ben took a sip of his ale.  
  
”You’re a one of Nassaus best in the riggings and your crew fucking loved you.”  
”Correction: some of them loved the way I handled things. They didn’t love me.”  
”They did, so be quiet.”  
  
Billy smiled. He loved when Ben bossed him around like this. His husband stroke a strand of hair behind the ear.  
  
”You’re intelligent, have a lovely reading voice and you’re insane enough to be content with me, when at least one or two from every fucking crew around here are drooling as soon as they see you. In fact, some of them actually make me a bit nervous. If I don’t keep a close eye on you, one of them might try to steal you from me.”  
”And what on fucking Earth would manage to steal me away from you, when you’re the finest treasure I’ve ever come across?”  
  
Hearing words like this from Billy as it turned dark and the sounds from the world outside went smaller, calmer… Why did he still have the urge to hear them? He must be a bit childish in that way, Ben assumed as they finished their meal and fetched some blankets from the bed to sit down by the fire. It wasn’t chilly, but since the capture Ben easily began freezing during evenings and nights. Billy draped a blanket around him.  
  
”You want me to read something to you, love?”  
”Thank you, but not tonight.”  
”Are you tired?”  
”Not really. Could you just hold me a little?”  
”Of course, sweetheart.”  
  
He nestled in Billy’s embrace, had his strong arms around him as the darkness finally fell over Nassau. They sat in silence, listened to the crickets and other nightly sounds. The warmth from Billy’s body, his calm breaths and the steady beating from his heart could calm down any storm inside of Ben. Somehow he’d knew that since their first attempt to have sex. It had been a disaster, actually.  
  
Ben hadn’t have any relationship with someone in his former crew, so it had been a really long time since he had sex and Billy, altough he most certainly wasn’t aware of it himself, was stirred up with mixed emotions of longing and regret, lust and a need for closeness he really didn’t know how to handle. After some nervous fondling Ben tried to suck Billy’s cock but turned out to be far from good at it and Billy went limp. Of course, that could happen to anyone, but after an attempt to laugh it off and shift focus to kisses, it still refused to cooperate and Billy panicked.  
  
What was even worse, Ben panicked too and it all went to a very emotional and pathetic situation where they both tried to assure one another it wasn’t the others fault. After a while, they managed to calm down and when Billy muttered a ”look at us, some fucking fearsome pirates we are… shit scared of our own fucking cocks”, Ben just laughed hysterical and soon the serious first mate had to laugh as well. They’d remain together on the mattress, talking – and laguhing – for a while, exchanging experiences of really miserable lays, like when Billy tried to have a threesome with a male and female couple, only to make them both pissed when it turned out he _really_ didn’t like the taste of pussy and couldn’t hide his distaste well enough. Or Ben, who’d paid good money for a molly boy in Tortuga, only to accidently hurt him by push in too hard with too little lotion and making him bleed.  
  
”I was young and used to an old mate on my first crew, who had fucked me sore. He was my first, so I didn’t know what to expect and when I took that molly boy, my then late mate was my only experience. The molly boy was… oh, I felt so sorry for him, so it ended up with me not getting laid but taking care of his bleeding ass insted.”  
”He didn’t throw you out?”  
”No. Guess he realised I was really sorry, so he let me tend to him and I also paid him the double, since I’d made it impossible for him to use his ass for a time. Some weeks later I snuck back to that whore house and hoped he wouldn’t see me, but of course he did.”  
”Was he pissed?”  
”Not at all. And he’d healed too, so he kindly offered me his services one more time.”  
”How did it go? You managed to use enough lotion?”  
”Oh, _I_ didn’t fuck _him_. He offered to teach me how to properly fuck a man and since one of the most popular molly boys in Tortuga are popular for a reason, I thought ’why not learn from him’.”  
”So he fucked you?”  
”Fucked, sucked, licked… It was quite a lesson.”  
”One day, maybe you could teach me a little…”  
”You mean I get a second chance?”  
”Hey, I was the one failing here. Do _I_ get a second chance?”  
  
The memory was actually quite sweet. The bad attempt to fuck had made them talk, relax more and the second try the very next morning had, even though they stuck to hands and mouths alone, been a nice and quite sweet experience. No storms to calm down.  
  
***  
  
The privacy in their little house was still a bit new to them, Billy thought as he unbuttoned shirts and trousers. Ben didn’t freeze anymore, even though the fire was almost out, and they lay on the blankets, Ben on his arm, kissing and touching. With Ben you had to be careful, and slow. Billy let his lips explore his husbands cheek bone, the side of the throat and the thin skin stretched over collarbones. Sensitive in every way, making Ben breathe a little faster, a littler heavier, chest raising as Billy kissed his way down to the nipples.  
  
Touching Ben like this, knowing just how much he loved it, how much he trusted him, made Billy feel like a romantic sap and sometimes it actually scared him. Ben gave himself to him with absolutely no hesistance, no fear what so ever and that was something Billy’d never experienced with anyone else. He loved exploring Ben’s lean body, the warm skin, the hair on the lower arms and from the belly button all the way down between his legs. Hearing him hiss as Billy let his tongue lap and taste every piece of skin from the vale of dark hair to the wet top, soon glistening from the touch. The deeper breaths as he covered the already pulsing cock, fondling and teasing it, having Ben moan and grabbing his necklaces since the hair was to short to get a good grip at, had Billy’s blood rush and unchackle his old habit of restraining himself, the fear of showing too much emotions, too much need.  
  
Being able to go slow, having the patience a man like Ben required to feel pleasure, secretely made Billy proud. He knew that many men, if they weren’t whores and got paid to be slow, wasn’t exactly delicate when it came to gentle touches and slumbering desires. But he was, Ben’s pleased and needy sounds made him sure of that. Ignoring his own aching cock in order to just wake up his husbands lust, his need growing until he _had_ to utter his wishes, begging for more… it was the sweetest thing Billy knew. Moving up again to kiss Ben, letting him taste himself from Billy’s tongue, the salty taste of lust combined with lingering traces of ale and the sweetness from their mouths feeling Ben getting harder as he pushed himself to him… He could never get enough of it.  
  
Ben’s hot mouth, soft as silk, drew out groans from Billy, deep down his throat like a dark, pleased grumble. He let his hands get tangled up in the blonde hair and he felt the stubble on Ben’s chin scrape against him as his husband lowered deeper, taking as much of him as possible and Billy almost lost it.  
  
”Oh, fuck… Darling, don’t… fuck! Feels so good but ya gotta… ah… stop before I… Yeah, that’s safer…”  
  
Small laughs, the pride he knew Ben felt knowing he could’ve made him come almost too easy, the sense of Ben’s hips straddling him, hair tickling his face as his taste got mixed with Ben’s in their mouths. The heat around his oily skin from Ben’s tight muscle as he slowly worked himself up, fucking Billy’s fingers. Hips moving as sensual as if he’d been a whore, not feeling any shame for expressing the lust with every part of his body, fuck… it was almost too much. Comparing Ben to a whore in this specific matter was nothing but a compliment, even thou Billy felt it could be hard to explain that in a satisfying way, so he hold his tongue on that one.  
  
The hot, tight skin enfolded his cock as Ben lowered and slow, oh so damn slow, his husband rode him to get used to his cock. Billy was very well equipped and to take the full lenght of him demanded patience. Patience that was hard to feel when having his cock embraced by Ben’s tight, wet and hot hole, but it was a pleasure to see Ben gasp and smile by every inch, seeing his cock quiver against his belly, glisteing from precum. After a long time of slow moves, Billy cursed and bit his hand in anticipation.  
  
”Fuck… Please, darling, it’s… too slow now. It almost hurts.”  
  
That was a strange thing. You couldn’t go all soft and slow for too long on his cock, before it actually hurt. He had no idea why, it just was and he was grateful for Ben moving faster, pinching his ass to make it even tighter. Billy began to work Ben’s cock, leaking through his fingers and made him come first, squirting all over Billy’s chest. While the former first mate pushed his cock harder by every thrust, Ben looked at him through dizzy eyes, seeing his husband reach orgasm with one last, hard push and filled him up. By the corner of one of the blankets, Queen Of Thieves lay with her paws tucked under her belly, looking at her masters with her yellow eyes as if she really didn’t give a fuck.  
  
TBC  



	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alright, here comes the fluff… Shamelessly I’ve turned Nassau to a quite nice little place and totally ignored a lot of painful happenings in the series.
> 
> Thomas Hamilton never died in the asylum, but was bribed out through some of Miranda Hamiltons loyal contacts in London and shipped off in secret to Nassau. There they met up wih James Flint and had a happy reunion. The Urca gold was used to secure Nassau from the English attack and, of course Charles Vanes was saved. Eleanor Guthrie had during the whole time, in secret worked behind the Englishmens back and as she joined forces with Rackham, Vane, Silver, Flint, Bonny and Blackbeard, the island soon became free from Englishmen.
> 
> This is about to be two years after Nassaus release and John Silver (who by the way never lost his leg) has been away for a long time, when he suddenly returns to Nassau and seek out Billy Bones.
> 
> (I honestly have no idea where this is going, I just felt the need to linger in Nassau... And I think we have a new relationship ahead...)

”I can’t believe you’re letting that man closer than three feet from any uncooked food.”  
”Hey, what the fuck, James!”  
”He has a quite outstanding ability to destroy anything eatable with very little effort, Miranda. It’s a natural gift.”  
  
John, who’d been put to work with peeling carrots for dinner, threw a handful of peels at the grinning ginger. Normally John would avoid housework, but being an unexpected guest without helping out didn’t suit him. The tasks also kept his mind off the disastrous meeting with Billy, not to mention Miranda’s earlier comments about John’s feelings. Of course he had to leave Nassau, but turning down an invitation like this just wasn’t possible. And Miranda hadn’t tried to draw an answer our of him, nor had she repeated her words.  
  
”Hand me those parsnips, dear.”  
”What’s it gonna be?”  
”A soup of course. And a pie with pineapple.”  
”Does all women cook this exoitic dishes?”  
”Oh, sweetheart, you seriously didn’t think _I_ knew how to cook a pineapple pie? Thomas taught me, of course.”  
”And we all remember when you almost set the kitchen on fire while making a steak…”  
  
Thomas, who’d been out on an arrend, entered the kitchen with a smile. He kissed Miranda and then James. The easy, natural way they touched each other made John’s stomach twitch. He wasn’t used to this kind of openly affections, he thought. Madi had mentioned that sometimes and that was one of few occasions when he didn’t know how to put his words. She was the finest woman he’d ever known. Intelligent, powerful and unlike most men, John had never considered power and intelligens in women as a threat. Madi’s exquisite brain was the reason he’d fallen for her.  
  
She was a strategist, lettered, thirsting for knowledge and always  focusing on the big picture, taking responsability for things and ruling her people with a wisdom and power most men would never think a woman capable of. And she was a better leader than any man John had ever met. A leader who could make men twice her size obey with a single look. As business and ruling partners, as friends, they were an excellent couple. The day he left her, they both knew exactly where they stood. They loved each other like good friends and what passion they’d shared had gone without any big drama or grief. Of course he would return, and Madi would pay Nassau a visit when her duties allowed it, but when they met again, it would be as friends.  
  
One of the last things she’d said before he took off had made him a bit counfused thou. _If you find him, don’t run away._ That clever, naughty woman didn’t even let him answer, as the little boat taking him to the waiting ship was already on it’s way. He’d screamed back, of course. _What are you talking about?_ And, of course, she didn’t answer him. She just gave him one of her teasing, lovely smiles and raised her hand in a farewell gesture. In that moment, he’d somehow realised the divorce wasn’t painful for either of them, but it left no taste of bitterness. They would never be together in _that_ way again, but when the day came for them to reunite, they would share their passion for knowledge, for endless discussions over drinks late at night, chess parties and card play.  
  
”John? John!”  
  
Tangled up in memories again. He blushed as Thomas returned him to reality.  
  
”Sorry, what…?”  
  
A friendly smile, free from all kind of falseness, yet anything but innocent. Yes, John had no problems understanding why James had fallen for Thomas. The man seemed to have the ability to lower your guard long before you realised it, only leaving you surprised when he didn’t push himself through without an invitation. Very much like… _him_. John tried to look unaffected.  
  
”I was a bit lost…”  
”I noticed that. I was wondering if you might want to take a walk with me around Nassau after dinner? Much have changed and I doubt you’ve seen it all.”  
”No. I mean, yes, of course I’d like to see it. Have only been to the inn, Mrs. Barlow’s old place and at Bi…”  
  
He didn’t finish the sentence. His throat suddenly tightened and he rose from the table.  
  
”Excuse me, I have to… I’m sorry…”  
  
He left the kitchen and went outside, walking around the bushes and trees. Miranda’s garden where lavender, lemon trees and the Yellow Elder flower grew in plenty, making it a little image of the sky in green, blue and sunlight yellow. Colours getting blurry, floating together in his vision… _You’re always so fucking serious. Do you ever smile?_ Blue heaven, blue eyes, so easy to read he once thought… _If you want me to smile, give me a reason to, you little shit…_ The other men, even the dull Captain and grumpy old DeGroot used to smile at his jokes and comments after a while. They all did. Everyone but _him_. Billy Bones was the first man he couldn’t charm at all since the day he learned how to smile himself through peoples defenses. It was frustrating, exciting and, as he yet didn’t fully understand despite crying from the memories, very painful.  
  
***  
  
Sometimes Miranda grew really sick of men. Of course she knew she’d been lucky in _her_ choise of lovers, even though she and her loved ones had lost many years due to other peoples lack of understanding and unhealthy, unloving moral rules. Here they were now, alive and together, free from the chains, free to love each other with no shame. The celebration of Billy’s and Ben’s matelotage had meant a lot to her, Thomas and James as well, and it had been a beuatiful ceremony and a splendid feast. She didn’t really know Billy or Ben then, but the way they looked at each other didn’t leave room for any doubts. James’ tall first mate hold his lover close the entire feast and Ben looked at him as if he couldn’t believe Billy had actually said yes. What irritated Miranda, was how long it seemed to take for them to realise what they felt.  
  
It had been the same with Thomas and James, Miranda recalled as she slowly walked with a piece of pineapple pie in her basket, towards Billy’s and Ben’s house. It was early in the afternoon and she’d decided to take a break from the garden and pay the couple a little visit. The walk gave her time to think. She was very good at reading peoples minds, a lot better than any man she knew, and even if she hadn’t seen John in the garden or his slighty red eyes when he came back with his usual smile on the lips, she’d known. No doubt the man loved Billy, had probably loved him for years and Miranda knew all too well how destructive it was to deny such strong feelings. Even if you couldn’t act on them, denying their existence was far worse. As she approached the little house, se saw the black cat sitting on the front door, like a little guardian with a swanky expression. Miranda smiled and went to it.  
  
”Hello there, little mistress. Keeping guard or just sun bathing?”  
  
The cat hogged and stretched her limbs, yawning and purring. Billy had told her The Queen Of Thieves just showed up one morning, laying on the front door with a rat between her paws when Billy, not seeing her, stumbled on her and fell so badly he’d hurt his face. She’d been very skinny and Ben, being who he was, of course fed her and scolded at Billy for not paying attention to where he put his feet. When Billy told Miranda the story one day, as they were sitting by the front door just the two of them, and with The Queen Of Thieves purring on his lap, Miranda almost cried. The love in Billy’s voice when he talked about Ben, the softness that came over him petting the little cat he first didn’t even like, but couldn’t say no to simply because the man he loved wanted her. _I really don’t care much for keeping animals as pets, but… I don’t know, it sounds stupid, but Ben really wanted to keep her and she kinda’ make it feel more like a home, you know…_  
  
”I see we have a visitor, and she must be important since our Royal Highness has come out to greet her.”  
  
Ben had an amused smile as he showed up from the backside of the little house. Miranda rose.  
  
”Hello, Ben. It’s unannounced, but I wanted to stop by with a little treat.”  
”How sweet of you. Why don’t you come inside? Billy is at Guthrie’s, going through some cargo I think. Didn’t bother to ask, actually.”  
  
The teasing little smile looked a bit odd in the serious face, but Miranda guessed it was more odd to her than Billy. Ben wasn’t comfortable in large companies and happily left that sort of business to his husband. The little house was still very naked coming to furniture and colors, but that wasn’t surprising. Billy was hardly the domestic type and Ben didn’t care much for decorations of that kind. Everything in the kitchen was there to be used. The only thing not strictly necessary, was a bouquet with dried flowers handing by the stove. Ben noticed her looking at them.  
  
”Yeah, I picked ’em for him. For some reason he decided to dry’em. Told him they were no good for anything but looking at, but he did it anyway. Stubborn man…”  
”Was it the first time you gave him flowers?”  
”It was. How did you know?”  
”Well… _I_ certainly saved the first flowers a boy ever gave _me_.”  
”Oh…”  
  
_Men!_ Always unaware of even the most obvious things… Miranda rolled her eyes and smirked. She put the basket on the table.  
  
”Pineapple pie for two.”  
”It looks delicious but, not to be rude, but you didn’t come here only to give us a pie, right?”  
”Someone sounds almost as suspicious as Billy, I hear.”  
  
Ben smiled and put out a chair, offering her to sit.  
  
”Tea?”  
”Please. But save the pie for your supper. Everyone needs something sweet sometimes.”  
”Billy doesn’t care much for sweets, I’m afraid.”  
”He’s just not used to them yet.”  
  
The glitter in Ben’s eyes told Miranda he understood perfectly well what she meant. She took a sip of the tea.  
  
”Lovely. Now, tell me what happened.”  
”I wondered when you’d ask that.”  
”I’m that easy to read?”  
”Well, first John shows up in the middle of the night, sleeping next to me and Billy like nothing happened. The morning after, Billy looks like his whole world has been smashed into pieces and when we’re home for supper, John’s gone again and my sweet, silly husband is as usual completely unaware of how obvious he is.”  
”In what way?”  
”Oh, come on, Miranda! Don’t play that game with me, it’s a waste of time.”  
”Poor Billy… You’re quite a challenge to him, I imagine.”  
”If you mean I don’t let him linger in stupid ideas for too long, then yes, I imagine I am.”  
”Then why don’t you tell me why I’m here.”  
”Can’t say I’m completely sure, but I wouldn’t be surprised if you’ve convinced John to stay at your place for a while and that you had no problem finding out that John still loves Billy.”  
  
Miranda put down her cup.  
  
”Is that what you think?”  
”Am I right?”  
”If you are, then what do _you_ think about it? After all, Billy is your husband and John used to be his lover.”  
  
Ben shrugged.  
  
”Billy hasn’t been very convincing in telling me they never loved each other, you know. And I’m not blind either. Woke up before them when John slept in our bed and they hold hands in their sleep.”  
”And you’re fine with that?”  
”Waking up seeing my love smile in his sleep… How could I not be fine with that?”  
  
Miranda smiled. What a treasure this man was. He looked completely relaxed by his husbands feelings, as if he not only understood, but encouraged them.  
  
”Most men would not have such generous thoughts regarding their spouse.”  
”No, but neither you or Billy married men being like _most_ men.”  
”We certainly did not. What will you do about it, then?”  
”I’m not sure, actually. For the moment I think it’s better to just let things calm down a bit. Billy’s on the edge and will most likely deny even to like John if I mention this. What about John?”  
  
Miranda gave an ironic little laughter.  
  
”I brought it up, actually, and he was speechless.”  
  
Ben laughed as well.  
  
”Well, that’s about as much proof _I_ need. Could you do me a favor, Miranda?”  
”Whatever is in my power to give you, dear.”  
”Make John stay. Don’t mention Billy, but please try to stop him from leaving.”  
”How?”  
”He’d never refuse to help you, right?”  
”Hardly. He may be a runner, but he’s always lend me a hand when asked.”  
  
Slowly realising what Ben had in mind Miranda gave one of her, as Thomas used to call, ”deliciously evil” smiles.  
  
”You are a very cunning man, Mr. Gunn.”  
”Thought you’d discover that. But as you surely understand, I’d prefer not to have that spread. If Billy or John finds out it’ll probably scare them both back to England.”  
  
TBC  



	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alright, here comes the fluff… Shamelessly I’ve turned Nassau to a quite nice little place and totally ignored a lot of painful happenings in the series.
> 
> Thomas Hamilton never died in the asylum, but was bribed out through some of Miranda Hamiltons loyal contacts in London and shipped off in secret to Nassau. There they met up wih James Flint and had a happy reunion. The Urca gold was used to secure Nassau from the English attack and, of course Charles Vanes was saved. Eleanor Guthrie had during the whole time, in secret worked behind the Englishmens back and as she joined forces with Rackham, Vane, Silver, Flint, Bonny and Blackbeard, the island soon became free from Englishmen.
> 
> This is about to be two years after Nassaus release and John Silver (who by the way never lost his leg) has been away for a long time, when he suddenly returns to Nassau and seek out Billy Bones.
> 
> (I honestly have no idea where this is going, I just felt the need to linger in Nassau...)

In one way, they were very much alike, John thought. Neither of them expected happiness in life. He smiled bitterly as he went to his old hiding spot by the beach. A little passage, covered from all sides, that he used when he needed to hide during his life as a Walrus crew member. If he’d knew it’s location by the time he stole the map, things might have ended up quite different.  
  
Making Billy Bones desire his body wasn’t hard. John could read that kind of looks easy as a whore knowing her worth and the way the bosun looked at him clearly wasn’t always with malcontent. But he didn’t act on them, wich made John confused. The bosun could easily have his way with him, a really bad cook and thief who’s life depended on remembering the stolen map correctly. Billy Bones, one of the most trusted and respected crew members, could’ve made John his whore, humiliate him or worse, and the crew would’ve counted on the bosun’s right to do so.  
  
John had seen all kinds of men with power, but Billy Bones was an entirely new sort to him. He cared for the crew, didn’t take advantage just for the sake of it and was never cruel. He was hard to get to know, didn’t easily get impressed and even if he wasn’t very good at reading John, he made it very clear he didn’t trust him. Easy to read, but very hard to charm. John had tried to use his smile on him once in the beginning, but the bosun didn’t even look at him and brushed his hand off as if it was an irritating fly. From that moment, John had been obsessed to gain his approval, no matter how long it would take. It developed to an ongoing, slow and unintentional battled between them. Silent, secret and sometimes John actually wasn’t sure where they stood. If they’d had a battle, or just a conversation. If he had Billy’s liking or not. He could see Billy’s desire, for sure, but he was painfully aware of the fact that there was a part of it he couldn’t figure out.  
  
Hidden from all disturbing people, the thoughts were a bit easier to handle. It was a warm and pleasant evening and it felt good to be on his own. He’d always been on his own, actually. Some men wasn’t suited for the married life, or a steady lover. John’s lovers had always been occasional and he’d preferred it that way. Billy was a domestic type, so him settling down in a little house with a husband adoring him didn’t surprise John at all. Of course, Billy had a home to refer to. He’d told John a little about his parents and John, who didn’t have any memories like that, couldn’t respond very good. _Sounds like nice people_ , had been his only comment and then he’d led Billy away from the subject. Manipulation was, after all, his master skill and despite knowing that, Billy didn’t push him away. He took the risk and now, in the calm of the old hiding spot, John could admit one thing to himself: in one case, Billy was far more adventurous than he’d ever been.  
  
***  
  
I’m a hard man not to like, John once said. _But a fucking impossible man to love_ , Billy could’ve added. Realising he was thinking of his former lover again, had him hit the shirt far harder than necessairily with the plank. The luxuary of soap made it far easier to keep the clothes hold longer, so it would be quite stupid if he managed to destroy them by hitting too hard with a fucking plank.  
  
He’d seen her through the window, sitting by the table with Ben. He liked Miranda very much, but she and Ben seemed to share a special way of thinking. Billy wasn’t in the mood for company, and walking in all grumpy and tired didn’t seem very nice. Pirate or not, he still had some manners. While waiting he could as well wash his fucking clothes. Being naked in privacy outside was almost as big luxuary as soap. The hidden part of the shore was perfect for washing clothes and let them dry in the sun while taking a bath. Billy wasn’t ashamed of his body, nor was he unused to be naked in front of other men, but he had to admit he loved the privacy.  
  
Of course, there’d been several occasions when he’d not been as private as he thought. Both Ben and John had the irritating habit of sneaking up upon him while bathing. As a matter of fact, his bathing habits had actually lead him to fuck John in the first place and whatever happened since then, it was still a pleasant memory. They’d had a fight that day, he recalled. Couldn’t remember what they argued about thou, probably some small shit as usual, and they were ashore. Billy had decided to take a bath and wash his clothes, reeking after two weeks at sea and then, just when he sat all relaxed and naked in the sun, waiting for the clothes to dry, John showed up…  
  
”Well, good evening, quartermaster.”  
”Fuck! What are you doing here?”  
  
He’d taken to the water immediately, for some reason not feeling comfortable being naked in front of their latest recruit at all. John had smiled, a very naughty smile, and shamelessly undressed, not trying to cover himself in any way. And Billy had, of course, blushed but couldn’t manage to get up and leave, knowing John most certainly would inspect his naked body. Instead he turned around, hearing John’s amused giggle.  
  
”One could believe you’re an old maid, Billy. There’s not a cock among the crew you haven’t seen, and yet you blush from a little skinny dipping.”  
”Maybe I’m not fucking interrested in spotting cocks. Could you just please hurry.”  
”Why? No one’s stopping you from getting up…”  
  
John was a little shit. Billy wouldn’t go up unless John was done, and the grinning asshole knew that. Instead of leaving him alone, he swum right at him with a small piece of soap in his hand.  
  
”Well, if you’re not going up, maybe you could lend me a hand.”  
”What? What the fuck was that suppose to mean?”  
”Wash my hair, of course.”

The little smile that looked so innocent and was nothing but. The irritating man coming close, grabbing his hand and putting the soap in it, quickly turning around and waiting for assistance. Cursing and muttering, Billy had done as he asked. He’d worked up suds and begun to wash the dark, soft curls even if he knew exactly what John was doing.  
  
Having the man so close, both of them being naked and with no one to see them, Billy was to tired of holding his desires restrained. He was just a man, not a fucking saint and John’s warm, soft and naked body just inches from him stirred up a very specific emotion. He’d sighed.  
  
”You’re a manipulative shit, John Silver.”  
”And you’re a grumpy, stubborn idiot that needs to get laid, Billy Bones.”  
”Is that what you’re after? To fuck me? Good luck.”  
”I consider myself to be a quite lucky man, but I’m actually not interrested in fucking you.”  
”That’s a relief.”  
”I was more thinking of _you_ doing the fucking.”  
  
He hadn’t fucked anyone in quite some time then, maybe that’s why he gave in. With a little help from the slippery soap and fingers he’d warmed John up and when entering, the manipulative shit had given a moan making Billy blush – and proud.  
  
The memories… stupid, fucking memories! Billy returned to reality, his clothes beginning to dry in the evening sun and his stupid cock buried almost as deep in the memory as it had been in John those years ago. A hard man not to like, impossible to love and an amazing fuck. He’d sworn never to let that man inside his head, but he’d managed to make himself a place there, smiling at Billy. _You said I left you, but you know I never did. I was always with you and here we are now, you letting your hand be me and there’s nothing either you or me can do about it._  
  
TBC


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alright, here comes the fluff… Shamelessly I’ve turned Nassau to a quite nice little place and totally ignored a lot of painful happenings in the series.
> 
> Thomas Hamilton never died in the asylum, but was bribed out through some of Miranda Hamiltons loyal contacts in London and shipped off in secret to Nassau. There they met up wih James Flint and had a happy reunion. The Urca gold was used to secure Nassau from the English attack and, of course Charles Vanes was saved. Eleanor Guthrie had during the whole time, in secret worked behind the Englishmens back and as she joined forces with Rackham, Vane, Silver, Flint, Bonny and Blackbeard, the island soon became free from Englishmen.
> 
> This is about to be two years after Nassaus release and John Silver (who by the way never lost his leg) has been away for a long time, when he suddenly returns to Nassau and seek out Billy Bones.
> 
> (I honestly have no idea where this is going, I just felt the need to linger in Nassau...)

”Please! Don’t yell at me… yet.”  
”Can I punch you?”  
”I’d prefer if you didnt, but I can’t blame you if y…”  
”What do you want, John?”  
”Talk about your husband…”  
  
Was it a smile? The blonde man with blue eyes shrugged and went outside.  
  
”Not that I usually keep things hidden from him, but I’d rather not have the two of you fighting in here, breaking what little shit we have. Let’s go.”  
  
Ben was a sweet man. A good partner. A fine husband and Billy deserved him, John thought as he followed him to a little place unseen from the house. John bit his lip.  
  
”Um…”  
”Yes? You wanted to talk ’bout Billy, so talk. I listen.”  
”I realise all this doesn’t look… good.”  
”No shit? I should fucking beat the shit out of you.”  
”Probably. But you’re not going to.”  
  
Ben snorted.  
  
”Have you any fucking idea what hell you put him through when you left?”  
”He… he said something about it, yeah…”  
”Well, did you fucking _listen_ to him?”  
  
John swallowed and Ben gave a short laughter.  
  
”Ah, no of course you didn’t. Cranky, boring, serious Billy who always complains aren’t very fun to listen to, right?”  
”Please don’t.”  
”Don’t what? Tell you how it was keeping him from doing something really fucking stupid when you took off?”  
”He had _you_ , for Christ’s sake!”  
”People aren’t fucking replacable, John. Billy loves me more than any living creature have ever loved me before and he would do anything for me. Hell, if I asked him to bring down fucking moon, he’d actually spend time thinking of how to make a ladder high enough!”  
”He’s always headed for the impossible… stubborn man.”  
”I hate to break it to you, but no matter how fucking irresistable you think you are, you’re not the moon and _I_ don’t stand in _your_ way.”  
”Excuse me?”  
”Only that I’m not the one keeping you away from him.”  
”Wait… So you’re alright with this?”  
”No, I’m not. It’s not fair to Billy, you not knowing what you want. It’s not important for me if you love him or not, but please stop making him feel miserable.”  
”Since I’m leaving that wont be a problem.”  
”No fucking way you’re leaving now, you little shit!”  
  
What the fuck was this? Billy’s husband barking at him _not_ to leave? His confusion must be all over his face, since Ben gave a little smile.  
  
”Not like me to yell like that. It’s more Billy’s way… But I’m serious, John. Don’t leave until you’ve made up.”  
”We’re old lovers, Ben. Doesn’t that disturb you in the least?”  
”Why would it? We’re different men you and I and Billy has enough love for both of us.”

I must be a great fucking entertainment to see John Silver go all silent, judging by Ben’s smirk. For the second time in a very short while, both his former lover and the lover’s husband had managed to make John speechless. The world had certainly changed.  
  
”What? Lost that silver tongue of yours, John?”  
”Well… Sorry, but that’s hardly a common suggestion you made.”  
”I didn’t suggest anything, I simply gave you the facts.”  
”And the facts are something like you being alright if Billy’d like to take me to bed, but you’ll kill me if I hurt him again?”  
”More or less.”  
”And why, may I ask, do you make such a mad suggestion?”  
”He loves me, I love him and I want him to be happy.”  
”And he’s not happy with you?”  
”Happiness can be shared. Look, all I’m saying is that I refuse to be yours or Billy’s excuse in your messed up relationship. I honestly don’t give a shit how you manage this, as long as he’s happy. Got it?”  
”I’m not sure if I get all of it, but at least one thing is fucking clear now.”  
”And what’s that?”  
”I pity any man trying to take Billy from your arms. You make a thousand times better husband than I ever did.”  
  
***  
  
”No fucking way I’ll meet up with that cunt!”  
”Hey, language!”  
”What are you? My husband or my mother?”  
”Oh, you don’t see the difference after all these years?”  
  
He just stared at Ben, couldn’t manage to answer that… _rotten_ fucking comment and he could se the regret in his husbands eyes almost before he’d finished the sentence.  
  
”God, Billy… I didn’t mean to… I’m so sorry, I shouldn’t have said that. Don’t know what I was thinking.”  
”Leave me.”  
”Please, I…”  
”Just. Fucking. _Leave!_ ”  
  
Ben just went to the door and opened it.  
  
”We both love you, stupid man!”  
  
Before Billy could answer, the door was shut and he was alone.  
  
***  
  
He should be jealous. Married to one of the most desired men in Nassau, a man far more handsome, strong and powerful than he. A man loved by another equally powerful man that, to make it worse, also was manipulative and capable of breaking his heart. Ben knew how soft Billy was, how much he cared for those he loved. He was the kind of man who didn’t love easily, and when he’d given in to love it was there to stay, no matter how painful it could turn out. Something had made Billy love John, and Ben wanted to know what it was. The little conversation they’d had before Billy came home and John quickly left before his former lover saw him, didn’t satisfy Ben’s curiousity at all.  
  
Ever since he’d first slept on Billy’s shoulder in the maroon camp, the former first mate had protected him. It wasn’t about Ben being too soft or unable to look after himself. No, Billy simply did that to people he cared for and being denied that, not getting to be needed and show he cared really hurt him. He hated to feel shut out and later he told Ben how good it was being allowed to get near, be a part of his life, his thoughts and feelings… It was after that particular conversation, Ben began to understand what the problem had been with John.  
  
It was true what he’d said to the man. He really should beat the asshole black and blue for treating Billy like this. The problem was, Ben wasn’t sure John actually knew how Billy felt – or how _he_ felt, and by not facing that, he unintentionally hurt Billy. From Ben’s point of view, the only important thing was Billy’s happiness. Not that he didn’t care for his own, but his husband’s happiness was bound to his own, and a third person didn’t have to be a problem as long as everyone involved knew where they were standing. John was a beautiful man and the unintentional closeness Ben had seen the two men share in their sleep, was a beautiful sight. One love didn’t necessairly make another one more or less important and since the loss of his crew and the long time in captivity, Ben simply thought life was too fucking short to be greedy.  
  
  
TBC


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alright, here comes the fluff… Shamelessly I’ve turned Nassau to a quite nice little place and totally ignored a lot of painful happenings in the series. 
> 
> Thomas Hamilton never died in the asylum, but was bribed out through some of Miranda Hamiltons loyal contacts in London and shipped off in secret to Nassau. There they met up wih James Flint and had a happy reunion. The Urca gold was used to secure Nassau from the English attack and, of course Charles Vanes was saved. Eleanor Guthrie had during the whole time, in secret worked behind the Englishmens back and as she joined forces with Rackham, Vane, Silver, Flint, Bonny and Blackbeard, the island soon became free from Englishmen.
> 
> This is about to be two years after Nassaus release and John Silver (who by the way never lost his leg) has been away for a long time, when he suddenly returns to Nassau and seek out Billy Bones.
> 
> (I honestly have no idea where this is going, I just felt the need to linger in Nassau...)
> 
> And finally, Max has entered the scene! <3

”A drink, perhaps?”  
”Rum, please.”  
”Had a fight with Ben, huh?”  
  
Max. Always seeing things far too easy, making it pointless to deny it. He nodded and she poured him some rum.  
  
”Let me guess. This has something, or everything, to do with a certain thief we all know and love?”  
”Don’t you start too…”  
”Feeling a little compromised?”  
”No shit. How do you know things so fucking fast?”  
”Nassau is small and I have more than ears to find out peoples secrets. Like a certain rumor that John Silver is back, without Madi. And that he went straight at your place, only to leave in the morning and getting an invitation from Miranda, Thomas and James. And that he’s staying there at the moment, while the men down the dock says Billy Bones looks like he’s ready to kill and his dear mate just sighs and shake his head.”  
”Thank you for summing my life up. Was wondering when anyone would tell me about it.”  
  
The inn wasn’t even half full, but Max nodded at the door to her quarters.  
  
”Come, let’s talk.”  
  
Whatever. Billy thought he’d done nothing but fucking talk since John knocked on his door and was utterly tired of it, but Max usually didn’t need many words to figure things out. Her quarters were very comfortable and she showed him to a chair with fucking cushions.  
  
”Now, dear. Tell me about the little snake in your paradise.”  
  
He told her. Most of it. The sudden visit, the sleep, the breakfast and fucking stupid quarrel with Ben.  
  
”Said he could _share_ , Max! That he was fine with me loving John. Which I don’t.”  
”So what’s the problem, then?”  
”Ben only says that to be nice to me. He think I’ll go back to John if the man fucking winks, so he just put his own needs aside as usual.”  
”You know Ben’s feelings better than he does?”  
”I didn’t say that. But you know how different they are, Max. They’re like night and day.”  
”We need both to function.”  
”Don’t go romantic on me, Max. I have nothing to hide and I most certainly don’t love John Silver.”  
  
The powerful, sensual woman took a sip of her drink.  
  
”In my old profession, you know more than well I was one of the best when it came to read the minds of men. Not that they’re usually very complex to begin with, no offense.”  
”Non taken. The fucking mind reading is a very good reason to stay off women and keep to men. Even thou most of the men around Nassau are fucking disgusting.”  
”Touché. But we’re not that different when it really matters. The only things that differs are the way we express our needs. Women learn that in order to not get what little freedom we have taken away, we need to learn to read men. To know how to navigate around men not letting them know when we’re in charge. If you can’t use violence to get what you want, you use knowledge and skills to make yourself far more interesting free and powerful, than chained and weak. This is essential for every woman and even more so for a woman in Nassau.”  
”Not much of a mystery in that. I have sailed with dangerous men, you’ve slept with them. We all do what we have to stay alive. What’s your point?”  
”I’ve slept with John Silver. I’ve stolen from him, plotted against him and plotted with him. I’ve seen his urges and goals change and I believe I understand what drives him.”  
”And what’s that?”  
”Fear. And loneliness.”

Billy looked at her, trying to find out if she was joking, but she remain absolutely serious.  
  
”No offense, Max. I’m sure you’re a professional if ever there was one when handling men, but _fear_? _Loneliness_? That man has done nothing but showing he doesn’t care for anyone but himself.”  
”He came back, did he not?”  
”Only beacuse he divorced Madi.”  
”The divorce was unproblematic and they’re still good friends. She sends her best wishes to you, by the way.”  
  
When he stared at her, she rolled her eyes.  
  
”Yes, we keep contact! I’m the fucking information central in Nassau and the marooners are our partners. _Of course_ I know. You don’t know and John most certainly don’t know, but women like Madi and me have to know these kind of things in order to survive in a world like this. Learning peoples secrets and urges doesn’t always mean you have to use it against them.”  
”So what did Madi told you?”  
”She wasn’t very specific, but between the lines it was obvious that John had been very unhappy for quite some time.”  
”Oh, _poor John_!”  
”Yeah, yeah… You don’t have to sound like that. It went better when they decided to have separate quarters and only stick to the every day life with ruling. They were splendid as business and ruling partners.”  
”They didn’t fit together. So?”  
”John never took another woman. Or a man.”  
  
Billy laughed, but Max remain serious and he swallowed.  
  
”You’re fucking kidding me?”  
”I’m not. The marooners society is small and noone, especially not the queen’s spouse, can keep a lover or mistress hidden for very long. Your former lover has been as virtuos as a monk for at least six months.”  
”Maybe he just… I don’t know… grew up?”  
”Sex is for children?”  
  
Billy just snorted.  
  
”Do you know what else Madi wrote in her letter?”  
”Do I _want_ to know?”  
”John used to have a necklace that you gave him. A jewel shape like a box. You remember that?”  
  
He swallowed. The first prize they’d taken as lovers. Items shared among the crew as usual and Billy getting a necklace in his share. When everyone had taken their prizes, he was the last one to put it in his chest in the quarters. Then he’d seen John, having his back turned on him as he changed his shirt. Billy had went to him, embraced him from behind and put the necklace around his neck. Another memory that hurt and he snorted.  
  
”What about it?”  
”He lost it on the island.”  
”So?”  
”And went furious, running away from the camp. Some men that happened to be out hunting, found him crying and screaming like a wounded animal in the forrest. Madi wrote that when he finally stopped looking for it, he still couldn’t stop touching the spot where that jewel used to be. Do you fucking understand what I’m trying to tell you, Billy?”  
  
This was all too much.  
  
”You’re talking about John’s, Madi’s and Ben’s feelings, like you know their true nature. You tell me John is frightened, lonely and wearing a fucking necklace I didn’t even remember I gave him.”  
  
He was a poor liar, he could see that, but she didn’t correct him and he took a deep breath, feeling a stir in his chest.  
  
”You’re talking about his feelings, but what about mine? Do you have a clever little explanation for them as well, and a nice solution for this mess, huh?”  
”Do you know what is the most difficult thing with a threeway relationship, Billy? It’s not the physical intimacy or the fear of who loves who the most. Those things can be difficult, especially in the beginning, but after a while you find your place, if you love each other enough to have patience. The main problem isn’t confused feelings or a shared bed, but the old world’s judgemental values. We want to believe we’re free here, that we can choose to live and love the way it suites us. But everyone of us, who’ve lived long enough in the so called civilized world, have shackles and bounderies attaching us to it, preventing us to be really free.”  
  
When he couldn’t answer, she took another sip of her drink and continued:  
  
”You were very young when you came to Nassau, so was John and so was I, so were Eleanor, James, Anne and many others. It took a long time for us to allow ourselves the freedom we longed for, a long time to get rid of shackles and shame. To be truly happy, Billy, means you have to take risks of a different kind than those in battles or business. You have love now, a love many people would envy you. A spouse far more generous and understanding than most people could even dream of in the civilised world. Your love, and mine, is celebrated and respected here. Not far from here, we would face the death penalty for our happiness.”  
”What are you trying to tell me?”  
  
His voice had somehow gone very quiet.  
  
”Don’t make desicions about love out of fear, my love. John isn’t the snake in your Eden. He’s just a third person to share the apple with.”  
  
  
TBC


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alright, here comes the fluff… Shamelessly I’ve turned Nassau to a quite nice little place and totally ignored a lot of painful happenings in the series.
> 
> Thomas Hamilton never died in the asylum, but was bribed out through some of Miranda Hamiltons loyal contacts in London and shipped off in secret to Nassau. There they met up wih James Flint and had a happy reunion. The Urca gold was used to secure Nassau from the English attack and, of course Charles Vanes was saved. Eleanor Guthrie had during the whole time, in secret worked behind the Englishmens back and as she joined forces with Rackham, Vane, Silver, Flint, Bonny and Blackbeard, the island soon became free from Englishmen.
> 
> This is about to be two years after Nassaus release and John Silver (who by the way never lost his leg) has been away for a long time, when he suddenly returns to Nassau and seek out Billy Bones.
> 
> (I honestly have no idea where this is going, I just felt the need to linger in Nassau...)

Had to be on his own for a while. Too many thoughts, too many things spinning around his head. He couldn’t face either Ben or John right now, or anyone for that matter. Max, not only being cunning and intelligent, promised she’d tell them he needed some time alone and was not to be expected back home for a day or two. Maybe he was a coward for not telling them in person, but the conversation with Max had given him a lot to think about and in order to do that, he had to be on his own. He would take to the cave and Max promised she’d do her best to convince Ben and John to stay away.  
  
***  
  
”Well done, John. Thank you for making our lives just a little more interesting. We didn’t ask for your assistance, but by all means, _thank you_.”  
  
Ben’s ironic little smile and Max’s cold eyes told John things didn’t go his way. On the other hand, he really didn’t know what _his_ way was at the moment. He threw a cautious look at the madam and the husband. Now he’d not only intruded in a couples life, but actually made one of the spouses leave. Only temporarily, but still. He turned to Ben.  
  
”I’m really sorry for this.”  
”I’m sure you are, but I’m not sure how much.”  
”Guess I better leave. Get a room at the inn.”  
  
Ben shook his head.  
  
”You’re staying here.”  
”You can’t be serious? You _want_ me here?”  
”No, but there’s work to do and since my husband will be absent for some days and you’re the cause of that absence, you could do his work in the meantime.”  
”And you’re not killing me in my sleep?”  
”I worked on a fucking slave ship. Slitting throats is Billy’s way.”  
”Yeah, thanks for reminding me… Are you sure about this?”  
”I am. You’ll work and eat with me and when Billy comes home, you fucking make up or I’m leaving this island.”  
  
The blonde man nodded at a pile of lumber just outside the house.  
  
”You can start by building a new privy.”    
  
***  
  
Always ready to take off. Run away. Well, here he was now, laying on a mattress on the floor, tired from another day of fucking farmers work. They’d not worked side by side, thank God, but the tension was obvious. Ben was a very good cook and the third night John had tried to compliment him for the stew, only to be answered with a shrug. It was too early for easy talking. He tried to bribe the little monster called Queen Of Thieves with a piece of salmon, but she just turned her back on him. John was certain he saw Ben smiling.  
  
The nights were easier in one way, and absolutely awful in another. It was a relief to be done with the chores and not having to stand Ben’s silence, but the darkness and most of all the loneliness seemed to consume John during the silent hours. He’d never been a sound sleeper. Sharing a narrow bed with two or three other boys, in a room far too small to inhabit forty orphan boys from age three to twelve wasn’t exactly safe. Fights, quarrels, cries and boys waking up from nightmares had been John’s lullaby for nearly ten years and the usual way to wake them up, was to shout at them and if you wasn’t quick enough to rise, you could expect a slap.  
  
John had learned to sleep lightly, to never put his guard down from a very early age and when he came to the Walrus, he envied Billy’s ability to sleep. Later, when he’d learned a little of the bosun’s story, his sleeping habits seemed almost inhuman. The same night they had sex for the first time, John couldn’t sleep and Billy, as if it wasn’t strange at all, simply asked if he’d like to share his hammock and John had been to tired to think about how stupid it was. He’d never had a sweeter sleep than on top of the bosun’s warm, calm body, but he never dared to ask for the company himself. The suggestion had to come from Billy and in John’s mind the reason to that was the fact that it was a nice gesture you shouldn’t overuse. Never for a moment, it occurred to him that he dreaded a rejection.    
  
The emotions the bosun and later first mate stirred up inside of him, had been truly terrifying. They made him feel vulnerable and that was a feeling he hated more than anything else. Twentyfive years of keeping your guard up didn’t just go away from a good night sleep, a splendid fuck or even the softest and sweetest of kisses. And he’d seen how his rejections hurt Billy. It was so easy to read the bosun and John came to despise him for it. For Billy not being able to hide his feelings, for letting his confusion, sadness and loneliness be shown all over his face. For having the audacity to show weakness and not expecting to be punished for it. As if he, John Silver, was capable of loving him. As if it was possible to love a lying, manipulating thief like John Silver… How could one ever respect a man that could fall for something this rotten? No, it was best for both of them, if he left before he did something really stupid, so he did and now, in the silence and the darkness, the gruesome truth hit him: he’d chosen to hurt the man he loved deliberately, rather than take the risk of hurting him subconsciously.  
  
_Good God, what have I done…?_  
  
It hit him will full force, the ugliness of it all. He’d played with Billy’s feelings, and his own, but mostly Billy’s and as soon as he came too close, he’d ran away, leaving his lover just like that. It was true he wasn’t used to steady relationships of any kind, but that was hardly an excuse. He loved the man, had loved him for years and if he’d only been brave enough to open up just a little, Billy would’ve given his heart on a plate, fully aware of the risk of getting hurt again.  
  
_”Love is not a static emotion, nor has it specific expression, John. Don’t push it away just because you don’t recognize the feelings.”_  
  
_”You seriously think this is about how many times we fucked? Hell, if we’d never even touched each other I would’ve been just as devastated!”_  
  
_”People aren’t fucking replacable, John. We’re different men you and I and Billy has enough love for both of us. It’s not fair to Billy, you not knowing what you want. It’s not important for me if you love him or not, but please stop making him feel miserable.”_  
  
And all because he hoped for John to finally recognize his own feelings. His stomach made a turn and he crawled out of the bed, stumbled to the door and opened it just in time to throw up.  
  
***  
  
In the early sunlight glittering on the water, the world was beautiful. Sleeping in the cave, only hearing the ocean, the birds and wind almost made Billy feel like his old self again. He’d dreamt. Usually he didn’t remember his dreams, but it wasn’t exactly easy to get rid of the picture of him laying in bed with a husband on one side and a lover on the other. Blond hair on his chest, dark curls on his arm. Three men in one bed. He blushed by the thought. _What would his parents think of that?_  
  
TBC


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alright, here comes the fluff… Shamelessly I’ve turned Nassau to a quite nice little place and totally ignored a lot of painful happenings in the series.
> 
> Thomas Hamilton never died in the asylum, but was bribed out through some of Miranda Hamiltons loyal contacts in London and shipped off in secret to Nassau. There they met up wih James Flint and had a happy reunion. The Urca gold was used to secure Nassau from the English attack and, of course Charles Vanes was saved. Eleanor Guthrie had during the whole time, in secret worked behind the Englishmens back and as she joined forces with Rackham, Vane, Silver, Flint, Bonny and Blackbeard, the island soon became free from Englishmen.
> 
> This is about to be two years after Nassaus release and John Silver (who by the way never lost his leg) has been away for a long time, when he suddenly returns to Nassau and seek out Billy Bones.
> 
> (I honestly have no idea where this is going, I just felt the need to linger in Nassau...)
> 
> ***
> 
> (And at least Charles Vane, Jack Rackham and Anne Bonny are back in Nassau :)

” _Married?_ What the fuck happened here? You can’t leave this damn island for three months before someone does something fucking stupid…”  
  
Charles Vane, returning from one of his long journeys with Anne and Rackham, just shook his head. Of all the news from Nassau, this was the most stupid one. The husky, weatherbitten man swallowed his drink in a single gulp.  
  
”Billy Bones… one of Nassau’s best men, ruined!”  
  
Rackham snorted at Vane’s words.  
  
”He could’ve made a far worse choise, Chaz.”  
”Yeah, he could’ve ended up with Silver.”  
  
Anne’s comment almost made Max laugh, but she kept a straight face and kicked the pirate captain’s feet of of the table.  
  
”You’re boots reek, Anne. Besides, we’ve been invited for dinner at the Hamilton’s this week. You should practice your table manners.”  
  
Anne looked at Jack with murder in her eyes.  
  
”Jack, _sweetheart_ , did you know about this?”  
”Oh, I forgot to mention it? Sorry about that, darling. But don’t worry, you don’t need to wear a dress.”  
” _Thank you_ and _fuck you_. I aint eating at a fancy place like that.”  
”What fancy place? It’s not Nassau Inn you’re talking about?”  
  
Eleanor Guthrie, tired from a long day of managing cranky captain’s and very boring papers, gave Charles and then Max a kiss. She smiled at the gorgeous inn keeper.  
  
”Are you coming with us tonight, or are you going with Anne and Jack?”  
”Haven’t decided yet. I thought maybe you and Chaz needed some private time, him being gone for a while.”  
  
Charles gave the women one of his rare smiles.  
  
”I’m staying ashore a little longer. Think there will be time for all sorts of companies and to be honest I’m fucking tired.”  
”Not to mention, reeking like a rotten corpse. Would you like some french perfume from the cargo?”  
”Fuck you, Jack.”  
  
Max poured Eleanor a cup of wine.  
  
”So maybe I’ll have the pleasure of your company tonight as well?”  
”You’ve not grown tired of me, have you?”  
” _Jamais_ , ma cherie. Then Anne and Jack could have som private time as well. Tomorrow we’ll see if we can find something suitable for the dinner, Anne.”  
  
Anne snorted and Max leaned on to her, looking at her with her most determined look.  
  
”The Hamilton’s are the main reason we have this life, _ma rose_. And _we_ will pay them our respect, _n’est-ce pas_?”  
  
Rackham cleared his throat.  
  
”Don’t give us that look, darling. When Max uses more french than usual, I know better than oppose. And besides, Charles will have to doll up a bit as well, _yes_ , don’t look at me like that, Chaz! I respect the Hamiltons and further more, I like them, so we will not disgrace the Ranger and the Colonial Dawn by looking like savages at their dinner table.”  
  
Anne still looked very displeased, so Eleanor changed the subject.  
  
”Has anyone seen Billy and Ben? I heard a certain John Silver is staying with them at the moment.”  
  
Vane frown.  
  
”Don’t tell me he escaped his wife?”  
  
Max sighed.  
  
”Apparently they divorced.”  
  
Vane laughed.  
  
”You see! This is what happens when people start to get comfortable and domestic. You abandon fucking freedom, start decorating your little houses and then you slowly die inside and have to escape! Comfort is killing more men then all pirates and storms and fucking Navy combined, I’ll tell you that. Flint is an exeption with his little teacups and sofisticated lord and lady, but the rest of us should take fucking care. Don’t tell me Billy and Ben are putting up, what are they called… fucking _curtains_ as well.”  
  
Vane’s rants about the dangers with domesticity was a recurring subject and Max patted his shoulder.  
  
”Don’t you worry, Charles. I’ve seen their little house and there’s not a curtain, a fragile tea cup or a perfume bottle to be found.”  
”Well, that’s something. Still disappointing, but it could be worse.”  
  
***  
  
Another night in the cave wasn’t very tempting. Billy longed for his husband, for his warmth, his embrace. It hade been unfair to just take off like that, in a middle of a fight and he could admit to himself it was very childish of him. But the time in solitude had made him good, nontheless. Without distractions he’d thought about Miranda’s advice, not to turn one’s back on love, only because it felt strange.  
  
The love he had for John wasn’t the same as the one he had for Ben. His husband was, probably, stronger than both Billy and John combined. Ben’s lesson about loss was closer than his own, or John’s. Billy’d been thirteen, John four when they experienced their first and gravest losses. Parents. Imprisoned and likely killed, in Billy’s case. A mother leaving a crying child at the orphanage, in John’s. Not that he’d said he cried, but it was very likely the case. A skinny little four year old with dark curls, abandoned on a staircase in London in the depths of winter. Picturing that always made Billy’s heart ache.  
  
John had little memories of his mother, at least he said so, but how did one forget the face of the one leaving you never to come back? Billy’s childhood had been a sweet little paradise comparing to John’s. Loved and cared for by both his parents, sleeping safe and warm in their little house in Kensington. The smell of ink from the pamphlets and his mother’s bread, when she taught him to read by the cooking fire. His father’s soft, almost lean hands tucking him in for the night. Press ganged or not, he’d have something John never had: a home.  
  
TBC


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alright, here comes the fluff… Shamelessly I’ve turned Nassau to a quite nice little place and totally ignored a lot of painful happenings in the series.
> 
> Thomas Hamilton never died in the asylum, but was bribed out through some of Miranda Hamiltons loyal contacts in London and shipped off in secret to Nassau. There they met up wih James Flint and had a happy reunion. The Urca gold was used to secure Nassau from the English attack and, of course Charles Vanes was saved. Eleanor Guthrie had during the whole time, in secret worked behind the Englishmens back and as she joined forces with Rackham, Vane, Silver, Flint, Bonny and Blackbeard, the island soon became free from Englishmen.
> 
> This is about to be two years after Nassaus release and John Silver (who by the way never lost his leg) has been away for a long time, when he suddenly returns to Nassau and seek out Billy Bones.
> 
> (I honestly have no idea where this is going, I just felt the need to linger in Nassau...)

The Queen Of Thieves was looking at him with her yellow eyes glooming. Maybe it was a stupid idea coming back home this early, but Billy really didn’t want to talk to anyone right now. And on a hastily made mattress by the  fireplace, a man with dark curles lay with his knees pressed against his stomach, arms wrapped around the legs in a self comforting position. The blanket had fallen off, most likely kicked away in the sleep. John wasn’t a sound sleeper.  
  
Billy kneeled by the man. The beautiful face was wet, dark curles sticked to the skin. John rarely cried and the sight of him lying all defensless like this went straight to Billy’s heart. Very carefully he covered him with the blanket. John moved in his sleep, grasped for something, anything, that something being Billy’s hand. He should be furious finding him here, in his home. Should wake him up, throw him out of the house and tell him never to come back. But John wouldn’t be here without an invitation from Ben and Billy wanted to hear his husbands reasons for letting John sleep by the fire. He loosened the man’s hand slowly and tucked it to the chest.  
  
By right, he should be as loud as possible when making the fire, but years of sleeping on ships with men of very different sleeping habits, had made Billy a natural sneaker. A mate who didn’t sleep well could be a problem for everyone if the sleep deprivation made him less functional in critical situations, so as far as possible you walked lightly during night and dawn. Old habits weren’t easy to get rid off.  
  
When the fire could manage itself, Billy went to the chamber to check on Ben. His husband was sleeping very calmly and heavier than usual and the skin under his eyes was a bit darker. Billy leaned down to kiss him and he hummed in his sleep. A strain of hair lay on his face and Billy tucked it behind the man’s ear.  
  
”Mm… Billy? You’re back…”  
”Yes, sweetheart. I’m sorry…”  
”My silly little darling… Is it time to rise?”  
”You can sleep in for a little while. I’ll make breakfast.”  
”Good. Is he still here?”  
”He is.”  
”I let him in. Try not to do any… too hastily decisions this early. Please?”  
”Won’t kick him out. I promise. Now go back to sleep, love.”  
  
***  
  
A part of him actually had no intention to stay until Billy showed up, whatever Ben wanted. The sneaky part of him, always one foot ahead from any uncomfortable situation. Unfortunately, Billy was an early riser and John looked at the man’s back, moving quietly while making fire. He was bare footed and made very little noise. The cat was purring and stroking against him and he scratched her little head. When she let out a little meow, he hushed.  
  
”Don’t wake up Sleeping Beauty, Your Royal Highness. He’s a light sleeper, you see, and you’ll like him better when he’s not cranky.”  
  
Sleeping Beauty? A couple of times he’d heard Billy use that silly pet name, when he thought John was asleep and John had let him believe he was. No one but Billy had ever used that kind of language with him.  
  
He tried to keep his eyes closed, just listening to the soft sounds from Billy, but years of fear from being attacked in a vulnerable position won, it always did, and he looked up. His former lover was sitting with crossed legs on the floor, petting the black cat on his lap. He looked at him with a gaze John couldn’t read. He bit his lip. A ”good morning” would sound very odd.  
  
”Ben let me in.”  
”I figured.”  
  
At least he didn’t seem angry. The cat purred loudly.  
  
”You still eat breadfruit and coconuts in the morning?”  
  
He remembered that… John’s vision suddenly went blurry. He nodded and turned around, trying to compose himself. His heart rushed, his breath went faster, mouth going all dry and he swallowed, swallowed, swallowed as hard as possible. What was this? He wasn’t in danger, wasn’t ill, wasn’t fucking horny or exhausted. He could just rise and leave, and he _should_. But he didn’t. Billy was sitting in his way. He wouldn’t stop him from leaving, but somehow the calm, quiet man seemed like a mountain now. One you couldn’t cross or go around. John tried to make himself smaller, to hide what Billy probably already had seen.  
  
”John.”  
”Yes?”  
”Could you please… just not run away again?”  
”You want me to stay?”  
”I don’t know yet.”  
  
He could hear it. The hesitation. The worry. Billy still all messed up, afraid to make the wrong decision. John’s throat hurt from the restrained tears. His voice barely hold as he, maybe for the first time in his life, freely showed weakness.  
  
”I wont run.”  
  
***  
  
The silence didn’t bother him. In fact, Ben had to force himself not to smile. Here they were sitting, three former pirates with more blood on their hands than a whole village would get during a generation or more, and two of them were probably more afraid right now then they’d been in all the raids they’d ever participated in. Ben poured tea in three cups without even asking if Billy or John wanted some. John’s muted ”thank you” broke the silence between for a moment and Billy gav his husband a little smile. Ben looked at the two men.  
  
”You two are building the new privy today.”  
  
Steady look. None of the men argued and Ben continued with his breakfast thinking he could get used to be obeyed like this. They stayed silent during the rest of the meal and then Billy rose and put his cup away.  
  
”Coming?”  
  
John didn’t answer, but left the table and gave Queen Of Thieves a stroke on her head. Ben frown.  
  
”No kiss?”  
  
Billy, who was already in the doorway, immediately turned back and gave him a long, soft kiss, stroking his nape. The gentle touch assured Ben his husband wasn’t angry with him for letting John in. Then he saw John. The man almost scrunched in the doorway, looking so confused, so… lonely.  
  
”John?”  
”Yes?”  
”No kiss?”  
  
He couldn’t tell which one of them looking more confused. His husband with eyes all big and round, or John with jaw dropped. After a moment Billy sighed.  
  
”You might as well kiss him, or we’ll never get to work. If I have to fucking obey in my own house, so do you.”  
”Jesus…”  
  
John rolled his eyes and went to the table to give Ben a swift kiss on the cheek. The darkhaired man blushed and muttered as he went back to the door. Billy gave his husband a perplexed look, answered with one of Ben’s sweetest smiles. The former first mate just shook his head and he and John left.  
  
TBC


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alright, here comes the fluff… Shamelessly I’ve turned Nassau to a quite nice little place and totally ignored a lot of painful happenings in the series.
> 
> Thomas Hamilton never died in the asylum, but was bribed out through some of Miranda Hamiltons loyal contacts in London and shipped off in secret to Nassau. There they met up wih James Flint and had a happy reunion. The Urca gold was used to secure Nassau from the English attack and, of course Charles Vanes was saved. Eleanor Guthrie had during the whole time, in secret worked behind the Englishmens back and as she joined forces with Rackham, Vane, Silver, Flint, Bonny and Blackbeard, the island soon became free from Englishmen.
> 
> This is about to be two years after Nassaus release and John Silver (who by the way never lost his leg) has been away for a long time, when he suddenly returns to Nassau and seek out Billy Bones.
> 
> (I honestly have no idea where this is going, I just felt the need to linger in Nassau...)

”You did this?”  
”Did I do something wrong?”  
”Hate to admit it, but no.”  
  
Billy looked suspiciously at the already prepared lumber.  
  
”When did you do this?”  
”Well... yesterday, of course.”  
”Why?”  
”Oh, believe me, it wasn’t to gain your good favour. Ben was angry with me for… you know… and he kinda’ forced me.”  
” _Forced?_ ”  
  
The tall man gav him a very incredulous look and John shrugged.  
  
”He was quite persuasive.”  
”You don’t say…”  
  
Billy sounded as if he talked to himself rather than John, looking quite bemused as he apposed the planks. Then he suddenly sighed.  
  
”I honestly have no fucking clue what that man is up to, but we have to get on with this, whatever he think he’s doing. Need a door, so hand me those nails.”  
”Wait… you’re just going to accept having me working with you?”  
”For now, yeah.”  
”And may I ask if you’re going to knock me down when we’re done with this?”  
”Unfortunately I promised Ben not to.”  
”And I thought _I_ was the bitch.”  
  
Billy just snorted.  
  
”Believe it or not, some people don’t consider making your spouse happy has anything to do with being his bitch. Now hand me those fucking nails and shut the fuck up before I forget my promise.”  
  
***  
  
”For the last time, James, yes I _know_ I saw them. It was Billy and John and they were carpenting. It’s not very likely there are two more men looking the same, working outside Billy’s and Ben’s house.”  
  
Miranda sat on the kitchen bench, clearing beans. She’d been to the market place for a steak this morning and had ”accidently” passed by the little house where a certain John Silver was working side by side with Billy Bones, apparently putting up a new privy. James, who was back from the Guthrie residence, had joined her while they waited for Thomas.  
  
”Was he shackled?”  
”Don’t be silly, James. He walked around as free as ever.”  
”Building a fucking _privy_? I’m sorry, Miranda, but John is a pure genious when it comes to sneak away from any kind of work. I simply refuse to believe he’s carpenting.”  
”Look for yourself then, but I must warn you. Billy didn’t look like very cheerful.”  
  
James snorted.  
  
”Billy didn’t even look cheerful on his wedding day, Miranda. I swear, that kid never smiles.”  
”Why do you still call him ’kid’? He’s past his thirties.”  
”He was a kid when we found him. It sort of stuck. And he’s one of the grumpiest men I’ve ever sailed under the black with. Cheerful isn’t a word I’d use to describe him with even at his own wedding.”  
”He smiled at his wedding!”  
”Only faced to Ben and after some strong drinks.”  
”Well, smiling or not, he’s putting up a privy with John wich I take as a very good sign.”  
”Sign of what? That John’s finally learning how to use a hammer?”  
”That the two of them won’t be killing each other this Sunday.”  
  
James just stared at her.  
  
”You invited _John_ to the dinner?”  
”Of course I did. Is there a problem?”  
”Only the small one with Ben being offended?”  
”It was his idea.”  
  
The ginger man shook his head, clearly not knowing what to answer and Miranda smiled.  
  
”Since you don’t seem to be very busy at the moment, would you mind getting me some lemonade, dear? It’s very hot.”  
  
***  
  
They had their midday meal outside, in the shadow from a big orange tree just by the house. Ben served hot bread with butter, cold meat from the day before, some fresh fruit and cider. The Queen Of Thieves came strutting, demanding her share of the treats by jumping to Billy’s knee, kneading it with her paws and purring shamelessly.  
  
John looked at them. It was a perfect picture, he thought, not realising his tense smile didn’t reach his eyes. Billy, as usual having his shirt around his head to avoid the sun while his upper body glistened from the heat. Ben by his side, petting the cat in Billy’s lap, smiling at his husband. Billy’s blue eyes going soft, dreamy as he stroke Ben’s head, entangled his fingers in the hair… _Just like he used to do with my curls a long time ago, in another life when I could’ve had his eyes looking at me, as they’re looking at Ben now…_  
  
John shut his eyes and tried to sleep. Just didn’t want to think about the man’s soft, caring hands, his tender eyes and the kisses he used to cover John’s face with, the silly lullaby he sang when John couldn’t sleep. The first time when John hadn’t managed to sleep in two nights and Billy let him lay upon him like a human blanket…  
  
_”My mother used to sing to me when I went to bed…”_  
 _”Like, when you woke up, or what?”_  
 _”No, every night, when she tuck me in.”_  
 _”What did she sing?”_  
 _”Ba Ba Mo Leanabh, an old Gaelic song.”_  
 _”Your mother was Gaelic?”_  
 _”My grandmother was.”_  
 _”You understand Gaelic?”_  
 _”No, only that song.”_  
 _”What does it mean?”_  
 _”Oh hush-a-bye, my little baby hush, my little baby, hush. Oh hush-a-bye, my little baby, my own little baby will go to sleep.”_  
 _”Funny…”_  
 _”Why?”_  
 _”That’s the first lullaby I’ve ever heard. I mean, the first one being sung to me…”_  
  
The way Billy didn’t ask why John had no memories from being sung to, not intruding or asking. The soft swinging of the hammock, the strong and gentle arms around him, Billy’s low voice, singing to him _… Ged tha mi gun chaoraich agam 'S caoraich uil' aig càch Ged tha mi gun chaoraich agam Dèan a leanabh an ba ba. Though I am without a flock of sheep, and the others all have sheep. Though I am without a flock of sheep, you, little baby, can go to sleep…_ John never had a flock, but in Billy’s arms he could sleep as if he belonged to someone. Perhaps the most beautiful illusion he’d ever allowed himself to have…  
  
”John? Are you awake?”  
  
Blue, gentle eyes. A gaze he didn’t know he’d longed for, still longed for. A hand moving a straind of hair from his face. It was too close, too confusing. John’s vision went blurry. And the hand withdrew.  
  
TBC


	15. Chapter 15

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> And Ben said to Billy: Don’t urge me to leave you or to turn back from you. Where you go I will go, and where you stay I will stay. Your people will be my people and your God my God. Where you die I will die, and there I will be buried. May the Lord deal with me, be it ever so severely, if even death separates you and me.

John had been very quiet since midday break and the silence made Billy confused. Ben noticed it, of course. They’d rested for nearly half an hour when he looked up and saw the dark haired man. He seemed so terribly lonesome, sitting by himself, looking at Billy with blank eyes. There was no jealousy in his gaze, just regret and loneliness. Until now Ben had only thought about how the situation felt for Billy, being expressed to all these emotions and memories. Not for a second had he thought of John, or how it would feel to see the man you’ve loved in another man’s arms. To see the kisses, the touches, hear the sweet words knowing they weren’t meant for you anymore… The man you’ve loved. Or the man you still loved?  
  
***  
  
They worked with the privy and a fence all afternoon, while Ben was looking to the roof, covering some small holes and then, by time for supper, he suddenly declared he was going to the tavern. Alone. If the situation hadn’t felt so utterly confused, Billy might have ignored his husband for the first time. But Ben just hugged him, kissed him very softly and looked at him with his moste loving gaze.  
  
”Stay with him tonight, love. For all of our sake?”  
”I don’t understand you, Ben…”  
”That’s alright. I’m going to Guthrie’s, having a drink and chat with Anne and Chaz tonight. And while I’m away, you and John can talk.”  
”Talk?”  
”Talk, kiss, forgive and forget… Whatever you need to be _happy_ , Billy.”  
”What do you mean, Ben? Are you leaving me?!”  
”Oh, my sweet, silly, loving husband… You know I’m usually one of the last persons to quote fucking Bible, but here’s one for you. I’m your Ruth, don’t you know that? Where you go I will go, and where you stay I will stay. Where you die I will die, and there I will be buried.”  
  
Billy’s eyes went bigger than ever, his cheeks blushed and Ben continued:  
  
”Think about James, Thomas and Miranda. They’re happy, aren’t they?”  
”I hope so, but I still don’t understand…”  
”Then listen to me, husband. Don’t interrupt or walk away.”  
  
Ben suddenly looked very serious and he took Billy’s hands.  
  
”I love you more than I ever thought it possible to love someone and I will never leave you. I know you love me just as much and I don’t think anyone could take you away from me. But… Please, promise you won’t yell at me now, love…”  
”I-I promise, but this is so confusing, Ben.”  
”It’s much less confusing than you or John think. I love you, you love me. You love John, John loves you. And we all share one thing.”  
”And what is that?”  
”We want, no we fucking _need_ to make our loved ones as happy as possible.”  
  
Billy swallowed, finally beginning to realise what Ben had known the entire time. His husband caressed his hands with his thumbs.  
  
”When I see the two of you together, I’m breaking inside. But not for the reason you might think. I break because I see two men who’ve loved each other for years that are losing time they could’ve had together because they’re frightened. When you hold me in the cage, I actually thanked God for letting me have one last gentle touch before I’d die. And then I cursed Him for sending you to me, to be killed by the Maroons. Leaving that island, with you… Getting to talk to you, just be near you… it’s like not only getting a second chance, but a second life. And you are not happy, and it breaks my heart.”  
”Don’t say that, Ben! I’m happy. _You_ make me happy!”  
”And so would John do, if you allowed it. I have room for both of you, Billy. I admit I don’t love him, but I’m sure I could if I got to know him. After all, I see how you’re practically going to pieces from that love and that’s a too heavy burden for you to carry alone. Let _me_ learn to love him too.”  
  
Billy’s mouth went dry, thoughts spinnig in his head. Years of suppressed feelings, of inner torture from loving that impossible man… Loosened up by his husband, this outstanding man, with a few words. But he made it sound so easy. Perhaps too easy…  
  
”Do you know what you’re asking for, Ben?”  
”I’m not telling you or John what to do, love. All I’m saying is that John isn’t an intruder. He’s a man who loves you and is terrified of letting you down again. He left his wife for you, he came back for you, he’s stayed for you and noone or nothing else. Of course I will kill him if he ever hurt you like that again, but he’s aware of that. So now there’s only one question left.”  
”And that is?”  
”Do you love him?”  
”Thought you already said I did.”  
”Well, my observations could be wrong of course. There’s always a chance you actually do hate him.”  
”I don’t.”  
  
He bit his lip, avoiding Ben’s gaze.  
  
”I love you, and I love him. Fuck… Yes, I admit it. I love you both. Now what?”  
”I’m taking to the inn tonight, and you talk to John. Or seduce him.”  
  
His jaw dropped and Ben put a hand under his chin, lifting it up with a smile.  
  
”Watch out. If you have your mouth open like that, a bird will fly in and make a nest in there. And I believe that would cause some trouble when I kiss you.”  
  
Billy just looked at him for a while. Then he took his hands.  
  
”Are you sure, I mean absolutely _sure_ of this? Do you really wish to come home and see _him_ in our bed? What if you change your mind? What if all the things you sound so certain of right now, feel all different seeing him in my arms?”  
”Then I’ll probably sneak out and cry in silence not to wake you up. And then I’ll talk to Miranda and Thomas again, to get another perspective. But I wont regret my proposal, Billy. The two of you need each other just as much as you and I need each other. You wont stop loving just beacuse you believe you shouldn’t love. If we were those kind of people, neither of us would be standing here right now, but desperately trying to change our desires to please a rotten world, denying us to love who we want. And _that_ I wont allow any of us to do…”  
  
Billy let go of his hands and pulled him to his chest in a hard embrace, burying his face in his shoulder.  
  
”You’re too good for this fucking world, you know that? I don’t know what good I’ve done to deserve a man like you… Where you go I will go, and where you stay I will stay.”  
  
_May the Lord deal with me, be it ever so severely, if even death separates you and me…_  
  
  
TBC


	16. Chapter 16

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> And John's heart spoke in silence: Help me not to leave you or turn my back on you. Where you go I wish I dared to go, and where you stay I wish there was a place for me. Your husband would have my love and whatever God you have, would be mine, if I only had the strength to ask. When you die my heart will stop beating, and if someone will bury me, by your feet I will lay. May the Lord deal with me, be it ever so severely, if death separates you and me, when I'v already wasted so much of our lifetime...

”Ale or cider?”  
”Doesn’t matter.”  
  
Nightfall. The cat lay close to the fireplace, purring and blinking. The fire spread a little light in the small house. Nights were dark in Nassau and John didn’t like darkness. He shivered and Billy put a cup in his hand, draped a coat around his shoulders.  
  
”Thank you.”  
  
A cold night at sea when the weather was rough, making him shiver and his teeth chatter. A man that took his shirt off. _What are you doing?_ _You have fever chills. Need to keep you warm._ _I’ts more effective this way, with body heat._ Laying in the hammock on top of him, chills slowly going away as the larger man’s skin warmed and calmed him while the fever rushed in his body. _Hey, sleeping beauty, are you still freezing?_  
  
”What are you thinking about, John?”  
  
Realised he’d been cought up in thoughts again and he tried to smile.  
  
”Memories.”  
”Good ones?”  
”Not sure, actually…”  
”Tell me?”  
  
It was a question, Billy didn’t want to force him, but John suddenly felt an urge to talk about it.  
  
”Was thinking of a night at the Walrus… It’s stupid, actually.”  
”What’s stupid?”  
”Nothing. You probably don’t remember it.”  
”Try me.”  
  
Maybe it was the darkness, or the calm in the little house. He talked.  
  
”I had fever chills and couldn’t sleep…”  
”And you slept on top of me.”  
”You remember…”  
”Of course I remember. You forgot to change clothes after the thunderstorm and got fever. Took some time before you stopped shaking.”  
”And you sang to me… _Ged tha mi gun chaoraich agam…_ ”  
”You remember the song?”

The surprised tone i Billy’s voice made John smile a little.  
  
”How could I forget? It was the first lullaby I ever heard. Kind of missed it when we, you know… didn’t share quarters anymore.”  
”You missed a lullaby?”  
”Yeah… and I missed you.”  
  
When Billy didn’t answer, John tried to focus on the fire as he continued.  
  
”You know I’ve never been good at talking about these kind of things. I don’t know why, it’s just how it is.”  
”I know. We have different memories, that’s all. And even if you don’t talk about it, I know my memories are far more pleasant than yours.”  
  
John gave a short, quiet laughter.  
  
”And suddenly _I’m_ the one being easy to read. How ironic… How did you figure that?”  
”Lots of small things, I guess. You never picked a fight, even if you easily could’ve won. For some reason you always tried to avoid open confrontation, hunching a little everytime you had a discussion with someone, no matter how trivial. Your eyes used to flicker almost constantly, but not to avoid others, but to search for escape ways and keep watch. And it took six months before you turned your back at me without looking over your shoulder. You really had _no_ idea how to cook and you looked more confused than I did, the first time you had a fresh meal aboard.”  
  
John swallowed. Billy’s voice was so calm.  
  
”You were confused when we didn’t flog you and you expected me to let Singleton rape you… Every fucking time someone showed you even a little kindness you weren’t prepared for, you looked perplexed. A lot of us had been treated like shit in the Navy or in other ways, but you… You were so unused to kindness without an agenda it would’ve been laughable, wasn’t it for how fucking sad it really was. To get to know you, learn to like you wasn’t exactly easy. Loving you… fucking impossible.”  
”You did that? Loved me…?”  
”I did. Still do.”  
”I’m afraid I’ll never understand that.”  
”Why I love you?”  
”Yes. It’s not like I’ve made you happy.”  
”You don’t choose who to love, or when. To quote you: I don’t know why, it’s just how it is.”  
”What if I don’t love you?”  
”You mean, why take the risk to open up about how I feel, if I can be rejected? Well, maybe I’m just fortunate enough to have seen how good it can be when you love someone. My parents weren’t romantic, not one bit, but there was no doubt they loved each other, I’ll tell you that. And they loved me. It took some time before I realised I was one of the lucky ones in that regard. I mean, after the press gang. At least I’d experienced it.”  
”And then it was taken away…”  
  
Billy sighed.  
  
”Never said it was easy to care again. To love. It took years before I felt anything more than a little friendship to someone. Then, before I even knew what it was I felt, you left. Until now a part of me thought you were just a coward.”  
”You have a different opinion now?”  
”It doesn’t matter what I think. As long as you let me guess and never tell me how you feel, it’s just as likely that I’ll end up all wrong or right or something in between. All I can do is wait for you to decide if you want to talk or not.”  
  
***  
  
It was late. Billy had done most of the talking, but John felt as if he had few words left himself. And still, he could ask no more of the man. He’d done more than anyone could ask for in this matter. And it was overwhelming. The silence wasn’t exactly uncomfortable, but John felt uneasy.  
  
”Billy?”  
”Yeah?”  
”I’m… I’m not deliberately avoiding the question. It’s just that… I really don’t know how to answer it. Yet.”  
”That’s an answer too, you know.”  
”Guess so…”  
  
He shivered, despite the coat and he waited for the question, the one Billy would always make, but it didn’t came and John knew what he had to do.  
  
”Could you… hold me a little?”  
  
The words felt so wrong in his mouth. The question unnatural, demanding and shameless. Years of denials, unfulfilled needs and wishes flushed through his mind. A child not yet knowing how to keep a straight face when being deprived of food, warmth and gentle touches. Tears being ridiculed until the child learned how to swallow them, faces being turned away in disgust before an older boy, almost a man, realised kisses weren’t for whores like him. Orphans didn’t need lullabies, work house boys had no use for hugs, you didn’t kiss whores and the youngest and lowest in line on a trading ship, didn’t deserve better then he got. A pirate didn’t beg a former lover to hold him…  
  
It burned under his eyelids as he felt the bigger man wrapping his arms around him, pulling him close to his chest. John hid his face against the shirt fabric, swallowing frantically even though it was useless now. In this man’s arms he was defenseless, his longings and loneliness exposed and the dam broke, walls silently came crushing down with every tear getting loose and sinking through his former lover’s shirt.  
  
TBC


	17. Chapter 17

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ”Don’t appologies.”  
> ”But I want to… I need to.”

_I love you, and I love him. Now what? I’m taking to the inn tonight, and you talk to John. Or seduce him._ One could hardly call this a seduction. Wasn’t as if they hadn’t slept together many times before. And now, in the kind and soft darkness, all they did, all they needed was to feel close. Chaste kisses, a warm embrace, John laying on Billy’s body as he’d done in the hammock at the Walrus. Fingers entagled in the sweet man’s dark curls. Still wet eyelashes against his chest. Shirts and belts on the floor, trousers firmly kept on. Bodies reacting as one could expect, but neither of the former lovers cared about that now. This wasn’t a moment for that kind of closeness, whatever stir the position caused.  
  
He had his hands on John’s back, softly caressing the warm skin. The curve of the spine, the vulnerable, gentel bow of the neck covered with dark curls, so familiar to his rough palms. The chest and back that used to be thinner, before the slight, young man got used to better treatment and unexpected stresses.  
  
” _Ged tha mi gun chaoraich agam 'S caoraich uil' aig càch Ged tha mi gun chaoraich agam Dèan a leanabh an ba ba._ Though I am without a flock of sheep, and the others all have sheep. Though I am without a flock of sheep, you, little baby, can go to sleep…”  
  
The words came by themselves. How many nights hadn’t he sung that to John? Or whispered it, depending on how much privacy they had. John’s first lullaby, his only. It somehow belonged to him. Billy’d never sung it to Ben. His husbands first time in Nassau had been one of troubled sleep, but a simple embrace by loving hands had helped. And that’s how it begun, without Billy realising he was about to fall in love again.  
  
Those memories, singing to John and holding Ben, belonged to his most beautiful, most treasured ones.  
Being allowed to care, be something more than a good fuck, a crew mate or an ally. Ties out of personal attachment, instead of necessity. Slowly admitting to yourself that you’ld miss something more than two working hands, cheerful words over a drink and a reliable brother if you loose him. That your heart isn’t racing only because of the battle rush, but from the sight of your loved one, surviving this raid as well. That even if you can’t allow yourself to think about it, your heart is pounding even heavier when the smoke has cleared and you have to waite before you can hold each other as close as you both need. The open wound that will have a piece of your heart buried together with him, if he dies.  
  
A little sigh from John interrupted his thoughts and he instinctively kissed the messy curls.  
  
”What’s happening in that head of yours?”  
”Don’t know. It’s a bit of a mess, really.”  
”Tangled up in your own thoughts, huh?”  
”Yeah…”  
”Something you want to share?”  
”Not sure. I’m sorry…”  
”Don’t appologies.”  
”But I want to… I _need_ to.”  
  
The voice wasn’t steady anymore. His shirt had dried, it lay on the floor. Now John wetted the skin on his chest with tears, sobbing quietly.  
  
”I’m so sorry… So sorry for what I’ve done. Been so fucking stupid…”  
”Hush, silly. I forgive you, if you forgive me.”  
”What do _I_ have to forgive _you_?”  
”Shouldn’t have let you slip away like that. Thought so much ’bout the war and the organization of Nassau I didn’t take proper notice of you.”  
”T’wasn’t your responsibility.”  
”Yeah, it was. Should’ve taken better care of you, even if you didn’t want me to. Maybe we’d separated in a better way if I’d dare to speak my mind.”  
”Maybe I’d left anyway, Billy. _This_ would’ve scared me to death. Hell, I’m scared now.”  
”So am I.”  
”And what about Ben?”  
”Believe it or not, he suggested I’d seduce you…”  
”He did _what_?”  
  
Teary cheeks, curles stuck to the skin and two highly surprised, blue eyes. Billy smiled.  
  
”I don’t know if he’s the most naive man I’ve ever met, or the most clever one. I have no fucking idea what I’ve done to deserve him… And even if I’d thought seriosly about his suggestion, I’d still find it a bit odd to seduce someone I’ve already had in my bed more than a hundred nights.”  
  
John laughed a little through his tears and Billy used the shirtsleeve to wipe his cheeks. He looked steady at his former lover, suddenly serious.  
  
”I love you, John. No matter what’s happened between us, no matter how much this… _thing_ hurt and no matter how the future will look. I’ve been angry, I’ve raged and cried. Was devestated, as if a part of me I didn’t fully understand the importance of was taken from me. For months I woke up, feeling partly dead inside… Guess it sounds a bit overly emotional…”  
”It doesn’t.”  
  
John swallowed, unintentionally nuzzling aginst Billy’s shoulder.  
  
”I may have the silver tongue, but you’ve always been the strongest of us.”  
”How so?”  
”Because you don’t run…”  
  
***  
  
”Good morning, _mon chere_. Did you sleep well?”  
”Very well, actually.”  
”I’m pleased to hear that. Would you like some bread and fruit?”  
”Yes, thank you.”  
  
It had been a huge relief to get away from the house for a night. He’d slept like a child in the room at the inn and he woke up earlier than usual. Max, the sweet soul, had given him the best room available and told him both Vane, Rackham and Bonny were back – and invited to dinner at the Barlows and Flint. Ben happily accepted the warm cider, fresh bread and figs Max offered him. He felt refreshed, and strangely calm after the last days mess. Max smiled and took a seat at the table, with a plate full of grapes and fish.  
  
”So?”  
”I hope the house is still there.”  
”Believe me, mon chere, if they’d killed each other I would have received the news before sunrise. You didn’t think I left them _all_ by themselves in such a delicate situation?”  
”You sent spies?”  
”Spy. Didn’t think they needed more than one.”  
”You trust them that much? I’m surprised. Who did you send?”  
”Charles.”  
  
Ben, who’d just taken a sip of the cider, coughed.  
  
”You sent Chaz?!”  
”He doesn’t care for comfort, so I figured he’d be content with the grass outside the house.”  
”And a nice grass it was.”  
  
Vane entered the room with an amused look in his face. Max rose and fetched another cup.  
  
”Ale or cider, mon chere?”  
”Ale. Do you have anything left of that pork from last night?”  
”Coming right away. And no feet on the table!”  
  
Vane chuckled and sat down, legs widespread and back leaned against the chair. Ben looked at him.  
  
”They’re still alive?”  
”Last time I looked they were. But there’s enough time to walk from your little nest to here, for them to slit each others throats, I guess.”  
”Thank you, Chaz, that’s very comforting.”  
”Actually John slept on top of your mate.”  
”Husband.”  
”That’s such an ugly word… But, yes, John slept on your little _husband_ , both of them fully dressed and very decent. A depressing sight.”  
”You don’t understand delicacy.”  
”I’m fucking delicate when it suits me!”  
  
Ben just rolled his eyes.  
  
”Whatever. Thank you, by the way. I’ll better go back now.”  
”Wait a moment.”  
  
Max fetched a basket and filled it with treasures from the rich breakfast table. She handed it to Ben, gave him a kiss on the cheek and smiled.  
  
”Don’t let them act too stupid, _mon chere_.”  
”You take me for an enchanter? Thank you so much for food and wise words.”  
”Always a pleasure to talk to you, dear.”  
  
Vane just shook his head and buried his teeth in the pork. People were fucking crazy.  
  
TBC


	18. Chapter 18

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> And Billy whispered in the darkness: Please, give me the impossible... What I didn't knew I wished for, didn't knew I could have...

It was surprising, but at the same time not. Ben looked at the two men, still sleeping in a tight embrace. Belts, boots and shirts on the floor but they didn’t seem to have fucked. Trousers were still on. The Queen Of Thieves lay by the fireplace and purred as she saw him. Ben smiled and greeted her silently with kisses and scratches. The sight of the floor was so beautiful, his heart swelled. John couldn’t leave now. He mustn’t.   
  
The sound of Ben sitting down to cuddle the cat, woke up John. When he saw Ben he got a terrified look in his face and Ben quickly put a finger to his lips and pointed at Billy, who slept soundly. Then he gave John his most kind and warm smile and leaned down to kiss him on the cheek. To Ben’s great satisfaction, the man blushed. He turned around, took the water bucket and went outside. It would be nicer to let John wake his husband without him in the house.  
  
When he came back, his darling husband was up, putting a shirt on and had a confused look on his face. John was managing the fire with the Queen Of Thieves around his feet, probably because the basket with cold meat stood by the fire, dangerously close to her. Ben gave Billy a kiss.  
  
”Good morning, sweetheart…”  
”Good morning.”  
”Whoa!”  
  
He was lifted from the floor in a firm hug and he smiled.  
  
”Did you miss me, huh?”  
”Always.”  
  
It was silly and adorable, but for some reason he didn’t feel embarressed in front of John. He kissed Billy on the forehead and was put down. He turned to the man by the fire.  
  
”Well, John…?”  
”Huh?”  
  
John looked up, with an almost frightened expression on his face. Ben smiled.  
  
”I’m waiting.”  
”Sorry, I don’t get it…? Should I leave?”  
”No, silly! Give me my kiss.”  
  
Billy smiled a little as well.  
  
”Told you. Better obey this one…”

Blushing and muttering, John pressed a quick kiss on Ben’s cheek. The look on his face said this was very stupid, but since Billy not only didn’t seem to disapprove, but encourage it, he ”obeyed”. Billy cut up some of the cold meat, poured tea in the cups and sat down at the table with a certain little cat jumping to his knee. They ate in silence and John finished first. He looked uncomfortable and a little pale. Ben waited until Billy’d swallowed his tea.  
  
”John’s staying.”  
”Huh?”  
”What?”  
  
The two men looked as if they were about to start an argument right away and Ben put his hands up.  
  
”Alright, before you start yelling, at least you can hear me out.”  
  
When they hesitated and waited, he continued.  
  
”Neither of us knew this was coming, and since two of us here loves the same man and that man loves both of us, I see no point in making a decision in haste. I have a suggestion. John’s staying for a time and in that time me and Billy will share a bed some nights, the two of you some nights, me and John some nights and all three of us some nights. We’ll sleep, eat and work together and just see where it takes us.”  
  
The two men just stared at him, but neither of them seemed angry or disapproving. The curlyheaded man put down his cup.  
  
”When you say ’share a bed’, exactly what did you mean?”  
”Honestly, I’m not sure. But I don’t want to deprive any of us anything if it’s not necessairy. No one should have to hide or pretend anything. Or be left out. I don’t like the thought of you two longing for each other and feel bad about it, nor do I want any uncertainty on what we share with whom. I realise my next suggestion is even more unnatural: no sex for anyone of us in that time.”  
”What?”  
”What?!”  
  
Ben once again put up his hands.  
  
”Calm down, it’s still just a fucking suggestion. I’m not in charge here.”  
  
Both Billy and John exchanged looks that couldn’t be more clear: Oh, _he’s_ not in charge alright… _Un-fucking-believable…  
  
_ ”Maybe you need to think about it.”  
”No.”  
  
Billy’s voice was calm, almost emotionless. John looked as if was expecting to leave any minute and Ben turned to his husband.  
  
”No, what?”  
”Don’t need to think about it. ’Tis alright with me.”  
”You approve?”  
”I do. But only if we don’t have any stupid expectations.”  
  
Ben looked at John, who seemed to be about as surprised as a boy after his first fuck. _I knew I was to expect something new, but this is just… fucking strange._  
   
”What do you say, John?”  
”I honestly don’t know what to say, Ben. This is... well…”  
”Not what you expected?”  
”You could say that, yeah… You seriously want me on some kind of probation? In your home, and bed with the both of you? Hell no I didn’t expect that.”  
”It’s still just sleeping, working and eating.”  
”Some would consider that more intimate than fucking, actually.”  
”So you say no?”  
  
Billy’s eyes, blue, bluest and bigger as always when he got anxious. John’s mouth went dry.  
  
”A month?”  
”To begin with.”  
  
John laughed a little at Ben’s comment.  
  
”You seriously think this would work? You two are married, Billy and I are former lovers and you and I hardly know each other.”  
”Then I guess this is an opportunity for us to _get_ to know each other.”  
  
John looked at Billy.  
  
”Are you sure about this?”  
”You have anywhere else you need to be?”  
”No, but that’s not what I asked.”  
”I can’t say no to all three of us at the same time. Stay.”  
  
The tall man didn’t really answer the question, but John’s protests died before he managed to say another word. Finally, he just nodded.  
  
”Fine. But if things turn out weird… sorry, more fucking weird than they already are, I’m not taking all the blame. I freely admit I’m to blame for this whole situation to begin with, but if this turns ugly, please remember it wasn’t my idea and that you both openly said you wanted this.”  
”Of course. It’s settled then?”  
  
Ben looked at them and they nodded. The blond man smiled and rose.  
  
”Fucking excellent. Billy and I will share bed tonight to begin with. And now I have some fucking fence to build.”   
  
TBC  



	19. Chapter 19

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alright, here comes the fluff… Shamelessly I’ve turned Nassau to a quite nice little place and totally ignored a lot of painful happenings in the series.
> 
> Thomas Hamilton never died in the asylum, but was bribed out through some of Miranda Hamiltons loyal contacts in London and shipped off in secret to Nassau. There they met up wih James Flint and had a happy reunion. The Urca gold was used to secure Nassau from the English attack and, of course Charles Vanes was saved. Eleanor Guthrie had during the whole time, in secret worked behind the Englishmens back and as she joined forces with Rackham, Vane, Silver, Flint, Bonny and Blackbeard, the island soon became free from Englishmen.
> 
> This is about to be two years after Nassaus release and John Silver (who by the way never lost his leg) has been away for a long time, when he suddenly returns to Nassau and seek out Billy Bones.
> 
> (I honestly have no idea where this is going, I just felt the need to linger in Nassau... Aaand I just realised this might be due to spiderlilies beautiful work "Ithaca")

”What the _fuck_ was I thinking!?”  
”Keep peeling, dear.”  
”I mean, this is so fucking stupid I can’t even…”  
”Are you done with those apples or did you plan on leaving our guests without dessert?”  
”I swear, that man is too cunning for his own good. It’ll end up with someone of them killing me!”  
”Now, could you cut each one of them in thin slices and…”  
”Are you even listening to me, Miranda?!”  
”Of course I am. Are you cutting them thin enough, dear? Because we are trying to make a pie and if you keep talking this much without giving me time to answer, you’ll end up getting yourself killed. By my kitchen tools.”  
  
Miranda wiped her hands on her napron and looked at the apples John tried to cut. Honestly, they didn’t look very nice but that didn’t matter. The curlyheaded man attacked the poor fruits with frustration.  
  
”Miranda, please! I’m fucking confused and I don’t know what to do.”  
”Just put the slices in the crust and I’m ready to talk.”  
  
Once the slices were covered with the second crust and put in the oven, Miranda sat down.  
  
”Alright, dear. What’s bothering you?”  
”Well, just fucking everything! For some stupid reason Billy just accpeted Ben’s stupid suggestion and now I’m to share a bed with Ben tonight!”  
”But you will only sleep, right?”  
”Yes, but that’s not the point. It’s just so fucking weird.”  
”Do you like Ben?”  
”Well, I don’t _dislike_ him and he is quite clever and friendly, even though he’s turning Billy into a fucking henpecked husband.”  
”But?”  
”But what? Don’t you think it’s at least a little bit… fucking _odd_?”  
”You do remember you’re talking with a woman who shares her bed with two men?”  
”Yes, but our situation is not quite the same, is it?”  
”No, it’s not. For start, Ben and Billy can live together in a house without being constantly in danger of getting hanged for it. For second, _you_ can live with them without you being put in the same sort of danger.”  
  
John grimaced.  
  
”Sorry… I didn’t think…”  
”Then it’s good for you that some of us are. Ben, for example, who quite frankly is an extraordinary man, capable of more love and generosity than most men and women I’ve ever come across. Some love grow slowly and in order to discover if there’s any love to share, one must be challenged.”  
”And what if there isn’t any? What if it turns out Ben hates me or I him?”  
”What’s his most irritating habit?”  
”Sorry?”  
”What’s the thing that’s most hard to accept with Ben?”  
”As I said: his capability to turn Billy into a henpecked husband.”  
”You do realise this _henpecked husband_ had his former lover invited into his home and bed – by his husband? Just name one man or woman you’ve met who’d do that? Besides me and Thomas.”  
”Fine. Point taken. But I still don’t fucking like how he’s making the decisions here.”  
”He’s really not, dear. He’s helping Billy to get what he need, simply because he loves him and he is so certain of that love, he’s come to the conclusion he can afford to be generous. The question is if you and Billy can accept that generosity.”  
  
John frowned.  
  
”You know, it’s not nice of you to make it sound so fucking admireble.”  
”Never promised to be nice, love. Does he snores?”  
”Who? Ben? I don’t think so. Why?”  
”Then you don’t have to worry about being deprived of sleep.”  
  
***  
  
It was already late when he came back. Helping Miranda in the kitchen expanded to be help in the garden as well, and he’d been invited to supper with her, James and Thomas. John only got more nervous and when it was almost time for bed, he’d still not left and Thomas had to gently persuate him to at least begin the walk home.  
  
Home. The word sounded weird. He walked slowly, suddenly feeling quite nervous. Billy was waiting by the front door.  
  
”Almost thought Miranda persuaded you to spend the night there.”  
  
John just shrugged and Billy took his hand.  
  
”Let’s go to bed.”  
”Are you sure thi…”  
  
The kiss was warm, soft and strangely calming. When they separated, Billy smiled in a way John hadn’t seen in a very long time. The man stroke his curls.  
  
”He’s waiting.”  
  
It was a very strange feeling, entering the chamber where Ben was laying with a sleepy smile on his lips.  
  
”I wont bite you.”  
”What if I snore?”  
”Oh, then I’ll just think you’re Billy.”  
”I heard that and I don’t snore!”  
  
Billy’s affronted voice reached through the door and Ben smiled.  
  
”Of course not, sweetheart.”  
  
Ben lowered his voice to a whisper.  
  
”But yes, you do.”  
”He is.”  
  
John couldn’t help but smile as well. The very soft snoring from Billy had been just as good lullaby to him as _Ged tha mi gun chaoraich agam_ at the Walrus. Before he felt more awkward than he already did, he removed his jacket, his shirt and boots. Then he quickly took to Billy’s side of the bed and went under the blanket. He turned his back on Ben.  
  
”No goodnight kiss?”  
”Christ...”  
”Just _kiss him_ , John. There’s no point grousing about it.”  
”Are you eavesdropping?”  
”No, I’m waiting for you to do what you have to in order for me to get some sleep.”  
”Whatever.”  
  
John frowned and gave his new bed partner a kiss on the cheek.  
  
”Goodnight, Ben.”  
”Night John, night love.”  
”Goodnight.”  
  
The tired voice from the kitchen already sounded half asleep and John turned his back at Ben to sleep, only to get a warm, naked arm around his chest. Too tired and nervous to make an argument about it, John just took Ben’s hand and tried to sleep.  
  
TBC  



	20. Chapter 20

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alright, here comes the fluff… Shamelessly I’ve turned Nassau to a quite nice little place and totally ignored a lot of painful happenings in the series.
> 
> Thomas Hamilton never died in the asylum, but was bribed out through some of Miranda Hamiltons loyal contacts in London and shipped off in secret to Nassau. There they met up wih James Flint and had a happy reunion. The Urca gold was used to secure Nassau from the English attack and, of course Charles Vanes was saved. Eleanor Guthrie had during the whole time, in secret worked behind the Englishmens back and as she joined forces with Rackham, Vane, Silver, Flint, Bonny and Blackbeard, the island soon became free from Englishmen.
> 
> This is about to be two years after Nassaus release and John Silver (who by the way never lost his leg) has been away for a long time, when he suddenly returns to Nassau and seek out Billy Bones.
> 
> (I honestly have no idea where this is going, I just felt the need to linger in Nassau... Aaand I just realised this might be due to spiderlilies beautiful work "Ithaca")

Strange, thou not unpleasent. Not at all, actually. The first days of this _arrangement_ , in lack of better words, had been interesting in several ways. It was the sixth night and it already felt surprisingly familiar. The lack of sex wasn’t particularly fun, but it certainly served it’s purpose and it wasn’t as if it would last forever. Kissing wasn’t banned and on the fifth night, John discovered Ben was quite a good kisser. At first it felt a bit strange, but hearing Billy’s amused voice from the fire place (”of course you can kiss, stupid”) tipped him over.  
  
Slowly John began to understand what Billy had fallen for with Ben. His rare smile was mostly shown in the darkness, he had the most innocent blue eyes and frankly, his whole face lacked any sign of fear. Ben didn’t hesitate, didn’t seem to feel the least awkward, despite showing himself so vulnerable to him. John had to admit it was fucking adorable, trying to figure out what the little smile meant. _What are you smiling at? Nothing. You look awfully pleased with yourself, you know… Well, maybe I am. How the fuck does Billy stand you? I honestly have no idea and I really don’t want him to start thinking about it, so don’t make him!_ The laughs. God, this annoying man was actually funny.  
  
The night he spent alone on the mattress didn’t feel as lonesome now. Hearing Billy and Ben whisper from the other room wasn’t something he was completely shut out from and when the turn came for John to share Billy’s bed again, he couldn’t help but looking forward to it all day. And during the day he discovered he often was very close to the tears. He was grateful for Billy and Ben giving him space at those moments, not talking about it and just disrectely leaving him alone.  
  
When Billy kissed Ben goodnight, John was already in the chamber, undressing – trousers on was still the rule – with his back on the door. He was nervous. It was no point in denying it. His body ached for closeness although he wasn’t aware of it. He only felt the familiar sence of emptiness he’d been used to since the nights with Billy had ended. Soft steps and a door ajar, a shirt being removed, a belt with knives coming off. Arms slowly and carefully wrapped around him in a soft, swaying embrace. Stubbled chin against his head, a little bit dry lips touching the sensitive spot in his neck, a nose buried in his curls and then the pleased hum. _As if I was still his and he was mine…_  
  
The touch, however chaste, drew a small whimper from him and yes, the lack of sex, the pleasant memories of the nights they’d shared together and the sense of Billy’s body close to him certainly were causes to it, but above all it was a sound of longing. The hands fondling his chest and belly left him utterly defenseless and he loved it, hated it, needed it, feared it. Billy’s lips against his ear, whispering.  
  
”Is it too close?”  
”Yes… yes…”  
  
Hands leaving, the absence making him whimper.  
  
”No, don’t stop… please. Too close, but don’t stop…”  
  
_We may have our clothes on, but I feel utterly naked and I’m so fucking scared._  
  
”Do you want to run away again?”  
  
_Yes._ John swallowed, feeling Billy’s breath, lips kissing the side of his throat.  
  
”I don’t know… ”  
  
_Only if I can still come back._  
  
”Tell me what I can do for you to not leave again, John.”  
”Still don’t understand what you need me for…”  
”You don’t?”  
”No. And yes, I know I shouldn’t compare myself to Ben, but it’s hard not to. He is just so fucking adorable…”  
  
The small, quite laughter made him realise what he’d just said.  
  
”Fuck… and now it sounds like I’m about to seduce your husband. I’ve fucking lost my silver tongue. Sorry about that.”  
”Why sorry? Of course Ben is fucking adorable. Why did you think I married him? Because he’s easier to handle than you?”  
”Isn’t he?”  
”In some ways, yes, but you are very different men and I guess that’s why I’m starting to believe he’s right. Maybe.”  
”About what?”  
”About us having room for… more.”  
  
Throat tightening, breaths hurting, hand holding the other man’s hand far too hard. Terrified.  
  
”Billy, I…”  
”You don’t have to answer, you know.”  
”No wait, hear me out. Please?”  
  
He cleared his throat. Tried to not pay attention to the pulse running wild in his body.  
  
”I love you, Billy. Of that I’m certain. And I’m also certain of the love you and Ben have for each other. Just looking at you two, it’s like… I don’t know, I actually have nothing to compare with myself. But there’s all this… kindess between you. I’m not very good with words on these things, but from where I’m standing, the two of you, the life you have with each other… it’s like the perfect picture of a home.”  
”Me and Ben? Two former pirates who’ll never have any children, in a small house fixing fences, hunting rabbits and making tea? No women what so ever?”  
”Watch your mouth. The Queen Of Thieves might hear you.”  
”Seriously, John. I’m not entirely blind and I know you and Ben well enough to realise you’re getting quite fond of each other.”  
”It’s not like that.”  
”No, but that’s not important. There are many ways to share a life, you know.”  
”And you don’t think there will be any problems? What if me and Ben try it out and we discover we don’t want to share a bed?”  
”Then you don’t.”  
”You make it sound so easy.”  
”No life is always easy, John and there will always be problems in any fucking relationship, whatever form.”  
”What if I don’t want to? What if I leave again?”  
”Then I can’t stop you. As long as you don’t sneak away like last time, I won’t be angry. But I will be heartbroken again.”  
  
_And so will I._ His former lover, now who-knew-what, twinned one of the dark curls around his finger. John could feel his defenses falling to pieces.  
  
”You’re merciless now, Billy.”  
”Maybe. But you broke my heart.”  
”So it’s a revenge?”  
”Don’t think love works that way. But as you know, I’m not like you or Ben. I grew up with agitators, but scheming, trying to read other peoples minds or constantly looking for a way to escape isn’t my way. Me and Ben, when we began to just sleep next to each other, I was crying myself to sleep for loosing you, but he was the one waking up from nightmares. Some nights _he_ still relives his attempts to escape from the marooners and the death of his brothers. It took twelve lives for him to stop trying to run away. And I’ve always been too bad at reading other peoples minds, or just to fucking stupid if you put it like that, to make your kind of escape plans.”  
”So you say I’m on the run?”  
”Constantly. Or at least you _were_ constantly on the run.”  
”And sooner or later things will catch up on me, huh?”  
”I’m no fucking fortune teller, but I don’t think any of us would be very happy if you took off again. I will be heartbroken, Ben will be heartbroken because of me and quite frankly, he’ll miss you.”  
”And what about me?”  
”As I said, reading peoples minds aint my specialty, so that’s a question _you_ have to answer. And if you should stay, it doesn’t mean you can’t take off every now and then, as long as you don’t disappear. It’s a home, not a prison.”  
”So you’re saying I could stay with you, not as a guest, but as a… partner of some sort, but still be free to go as I please?”  
”Almost. But you can’t just leave from a day to another. Living together still means you have to give up a little bit of your freedom.”  
”Just out of curiosity: don’t you miss not having a responsibility like this? Just being free to go wherever you’d like?”  
”I miss the sea sometimes and I’m honestly thinking of putting up a hammock in the house, but otherwise no. I had far more responsibilities with the crew and compared to them and Flint, a house, a Ben and a cat is a little heaven. And we have room for you too.”  
  
_And you want to make room there for me…_ He wanted to rise from the bed, screaming how unfair it was to tear down his walls like this, but it was too late for that now. There was simply too much kindess, too much space, too much un-fucking-conditional love to leave room for any more excuses. But he couldn’t say that. He close his eyes.  
  
”I broke your heart once and I’ll most likely regret it for the rest of my life. I love you, I can love Ben too and I’m not rejecting your porposal or your thoughts about how it could be. But you have to understand, I’ve never been this open about things like this to anyone before and quite frankly I’m more scared than I was in the maroon camp, or the storm, or when Flint’s madness was about to have us all killed.”  
”Then we shouldn’t talk about it anymore. At least not now.”  
”Thank you. Don’t want to look all miserable at the dinner tomorrow.”  
”Of course not. Would you like a kiss instead?”  
  
The smile. Blue, warm eyes. John laughed quietly. It was too late for pretending anything now, and he wrapped an arm around Billy’s back and pulled him close.    
  
TBC


	21. Chapter 21

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Late update on this one and I've changed a little bit in the storyline. Check previous chapters for story summary. In this chapter, Billy's feelings hit the roof. We have A LOT of feelings here... (Would really like to hear opinions on Billy and Ben!)

Ben sighed. This wasn’t like Billy. Take off like this without a word. It had been a fine day and tonight the two of them would share a bed. John was with Flint and the Hamiltons. Despite the agreement, he very firmly decided that Billy and Ben should be by themselves this night. It’s no more than fair, John meant, since he’d been alone with Billy the night Ben stayed at the inn. Ben couldn’t argue with that and neither did Billy. But right now, only an hour after supper, his husband was nowhere to be find.  
  
They were always particular with that, so this was strange. Not that Ben was actually worried, more like… concerned. The house and the little garden was empty, so was their bathing spot. If Billy’d gone to town he’d leave a note and there was no note of any kind. Ben turned around to get back to the house when he heard it. A choked sound from the trees next to the hidden bay. With his usual light steps, he walked towards it.  
  
His husband was laying with his face in the grass, crying in a way Ben had never seen a man do before. It was nothing but heartwrenching to see and hear, as if Billy’d been collecting years of sorrows and tried to cry it out all at once. He sounded broken, destroyed and Ben couldn’t just stand by, even if it was clear Billy’d searched the privacy. One couldn’t ask a man _not_ to comfort his husband in a moment like this. Ben approached cautiously and lowred beside him.  
  
”Husband? My love…?”  
  
A choked sound came from the hidden face, but he didn’t look up. Ben calmly touched his neck, stroke it lightly and waited. How many nights hadn’t Billy hold him in his arms, comforting him after a nightmare, making him feel safe again? Making him feel cared for, liked and even loved. The love hade come sneaking up upon them both, slowly tighten the noose around them to make it harder and harder to separate. With a single look, a slight touch, they could read each other as easy as if they’d known each other for years. What they shared, it was more than the physical, more than the practical, more than just not being alone. There wasn’t a thing this crying man wouldn’t do for him, and Ben knew it.  
  
He let his husband cry in his lap without unnecessary words. Just stroking his hair, the tense neck and the back that still bore scars from the torture he’d suffered during the capture with Hume. Ben knew every part of his love’s body. The gentle hands that sometimes trembled when Billy hold him, the sensitive dimple on his chest, covered by the necklaces, as a little treasure hole hidden from unwelcomed eyes. He knew every vein, every little wrinkle and every scar, every lustful spot and every soreness. All things that made Billy Bones’ soul shine through his body, making him a man with a depth, capable of so much love and devotion.  
  
Of course there were flaws, and in a so called civil world they’d see him as nothing but trash, an inhuman brute, but they didn’t hear the love in his voice, see the worry in his eyes or feel the adoration in his hands. How could they know he’d spent endless nights calming, lulling and comforting a broken man, a wreck who’d lived in a cage, close to the brink of madness and brought him back to life? Who’d be able to see what love he had for Ben and for John? How scared he was to hurt or get hurt again… Yes, Billy Bones was a murderer, a thief and a pirate. But he was also a husband, a lover and a friend who’d do anything to protect the people he cared for. Ben knew that when Billy thought his feelings were wrong or compromised he’d force them away with all the strenght he could muster, only to break down when they catched up on him. And unfortunately that was one thing he had in common with the man that, unknowingly, broke his heart.  
  
Eventually, the tears stopped, or at least ran a little slower. Ben lifted Billy’s face to kiss the teary cheeks and pull him close to his chest.  
  
”I love you, Billy. Love you so much I could rip my heart open if you asked me to… You’re my whole world, you know that? Whatever it is you feel, I’m here for you. You’re my husband and neither John nor any other man could make me leave your side. Hell, even when I’m dead I’d fucking follow you around…”  
  
He kissed him again and a soft sob came from Billy.  
  
”Sometimes I’m scared to death that you’ll grow tired of following me… I’m not the husband you deserve.”  
”Don’t you ever say that! You’re a husband any girl with something in her head would envy me and you loving John doesn’t mean you love me any less. I would know if your feelings towards me had changed and I’m sure they haven’t. All I see is a man that feels compromised when he shoudn’t. You can have us both and no matter what I’m yours for life. Of course, I will make fish bates of John if he hurt you again, but he’s aware of that. After all, I’m just as much of a bloody murderer as any of you and things usually ends up with me having it my way…”  
  
Billy laughed. A small, choked sound, but still a laugh.  
  
”You’re right about that…”  
  
Ben stroke his husbands tears away.  
  
”You love me, you love him. I love you, he loves you.”  
”And he fucking adores you…”  
”Is that so?”  
  
Ben’s smile was anything but innocent.  
  
”Can’t say I’m not fond of him too. And I love the way he looks at you.”  
”If you mean what I think you mean, I must say most husbands would’ve fetched their gun by now.”  
”Yeah, but most husbands have a wife, kids and a village to keep them in check.”  
”You’ve never been interested in women?”  
”Not really. You’re my first one I’ve fallen in love with, you know.”  
”What?”  
”Are you surprised?”  
”Yes… and flattered.”  
”Well, I did have a couple of relationships before we met, but it was nothing like this. It’s very different with you, somehow.”  
”But what about John? You loved him before me.”  
”Yes, I loved him, but didn’t _fall in love_ with him. Our relationship started as a way to survive, to have some comfort. There wasn’t really any room for more, what to say, romantic feelings. And after John I was so confused… Hell, I was confused _with_ him as well, but not with you. Never like that.”  
”Tell me. From the beginning. Please?”  
  
The blue eyes begging for his story… How could he possibly deny?  
  
”At first, when I saw you in the cage, all I could think of was how long you’d been there and if you’d gone mad. Not a very romantic first look, but… I remember I couldn’t stop looking at your eyes. They were so insanely blue. And then at night, when you crouched in your corner you looked so hurt and lonely I couldn’t bare to see it. You were so tense and I just kept thinking about when I was rescued from the Navy and Flint and his crew took care of me. So, when the others were asleep, I simply couldn’t take it anymore. Had to hold you, just had to…”  
”I looked and smelled like shit. Didn’t know what to think when you crawled up to me.”  
”Yeah, I was worried I’d scare you, so I was actually quite surprised you allowed me to hold you. And to be honest, I didn’t exactly smell like roses either. Holding you that night… I don’t know why, but it just felt right. I won’t say good, because I was shit scared and everything and you were a wreck, but it was as if I wasn’t completely useless, despite being in that cage.”  
”It was the first gentle touch I had since my last crew man died. Thought I was going to freak out or cry or something. I loved it so much, but I wasn’t exactly prepared.”  
”That made two of us. When we were released and could turn back to Nassau, I was actually scared they wouldn’t let you come with us, since you didn’t belong to our crew. The thought of leaving you there was just awful, even if I didn’t know you.”  
”And you helped me clean up… Brought that fresh water and soap. Changed clothes so they’d fit me… Jesus, I hadn’t been attended to like that since I was a small child.”  
”I can be a bit overprotective, I guess.”  
  
He blushed and took Ben’s hand.  
  
”No, you were just kind. I mean, what ever I needed, you were just there. In the safe house, before you asked if I wanted to sleep beside you, I would lay awake just listening to your breaths. You did scare me a little, asking me so straight forward. Was afraid you did it only to be nice, and really didn’t like it at first.”  
”Really?”  
”Well you did cry a lot…”  
”But not when I hold you. Guess I was a bit lost already by then. I mean, it sounds stupid but everytime we had separate tasks to do, when we couldn’t be close enough to see each other, all I could think about was you. If you were well, if people treated you kindly, if you were in pain…”  
”Sometimes when you looked at me I could hardly breathe. It’s not exactly easy to focus on a fucking war when you’d rather throw yourself at the one of the generals.”  
”General… Well, I guess that’s not a completely wrong word. Still, I didn’t like for you to take part in that.”  
”Why?”  
”You’d already suffered so much and I guess I wished you could have, I don’t know, a little more peace and quiet.”  
  
Ben kissed him softly.  
  
”Darling, I never thought I’d have a life free from violence, certainly not have a home of my own and I stopped dreaming of love after my first visit to a brothel. Being saved, meeting you and fucking marry you… Have a _home_ with you, with another man, and not having to hide is… I mean, it would’ve been too impossible even to imagine if we’d not been on the account. Sure, we’re the scum of the world, but I believe both of us have paid at least some of our dept with what we’ve suffered unjustly. And if there’s a hell, at least we burn together. If all I’ve done and suffered was necessairy to lead me to you, I don’t regret a thing of it…”  
  
Didn’t realise he was crying again until he felt Ben’s hand against his cheek.  
  
”I can see it, hear it and feel it, Billy. If you keep denying yourself his love, you will never be whole. We’ve already made ourselves a life so twisted in the eyes of the civilized world, they’d wish us a thousand lives so they could execute us over and over again. What’s stopping us from twisting it another round? I’ve tried to tell you and John that it’s alright, that I actually welcome it, and feel happy to see the love you have for each other, but you have to stop being angry at yourself for what you feel. John is a lovely man and it would be stupid – and very English – of us to deprive ourselves that happiness.”  
”You really believe we could be that? Happy…”  
”Three men free to live our lives together far away from English soil? Hell yes I believe we could be happy! I want us to live, love and make fucking love together like there’s no tomorrow. Anything else is not enough at this point and I know both you and John know that too. Either we’ll be three in our bed or all three of us will be very unhappy and I’m afraid I can’t allow that.”  
  
Ben had never been much of a talker, not before John’s arrival. Billy’s head was spinning and yet he felt strangely calm.  
  
”When… when you’ve slept next to him. What did you… feel?”  
”Like I wanted him. I wanted to hold him, taste him and kiss him. Wanted to fuck him, watch him fuck you and see you lost for evrything else…”  
  
Billy swallowed. He couldn’t utter a word. Ben squeezed his hand and lowered his voice, nuzzling against his husband’s neck.  
  
”I wanted to know how he sounds when you’re making him scream your name, wanted to see you straddle him, to hold you tight while you ride him, to see his face, hear your voice when he’s inside you…”  
  
TBC


End file.
